I must confess I never thought about this perspective from a friend:
So before I emailed you I wanted to know how you are doing. Instead of just asking you, I went to the best location there is: lukeford.net. I read your post about how your father might view you. It was great, intense. I was really hoping for a whole history of how the hell you became a Cowboys fan and joined the “dark side” but it never came…And I read that part about your breakup with some chick, I’m sorry about that dude.
Also, I didnt know that you aren’t in [shul]…anymore. I’m sorry man, that must suck.
But reading your blog led me to a thought or a question that sparked my intuition, and although I’m sure you might have asked yourself this a million times, I never thought of it to ask you:
You often write about all the shuls that have rejected you, or that have thrown you out. Which leads me to believe that you really feel like they have rejected you, which hurts. But do you think that somewhere in your subconscious you are really rejected them? Perhaps in the back of your mind you think, “I am who I am and I’m just being me” which is cool. At the same time when the Rabbi came to see you and said, “Let’s think strategically,” you had a choice to think that way and instead you shunned him. In a sense, you rejected him. You rejected [them]. So perhaps maybe in the beginning it was somewhat of shuls rejecting you, but perhaps at this point you are rejecting them. Have you ever thought about it that way? Do you ever think about it that way? Does it even matter?