My Tuesday Night Writing Workshop

The first thing I wanted to be as a kid was a Christian missionary. That dream lasted from about age five to about ten.

I saw some obstacles to my dream. Missionary work, particularly among the black people of Africa, seemed scary and unsafe. Also, I wasn’t that excited about Christianity. I was more interested in this worldly change. I didn’t want to be a professional Christian.

My greatest accomplishment is my blogging, in particular my 1998 scoop about Marc Wallice, the likely source of a string of infections in the porn industry.

Why am I proud of it? Because my reporting saved lives.

What did I have to overcome to accomplish this? I was alone in reporting this news. Reporters typically run in packs. I only had my own website. I had no credentials. I had no organization supporting me. I was out on a limb.

I felt like I was bringing down upon myself the wrath of an entire industry. My old sources were turning against me. I felt like a pariah.

It was not a story I could talk about in polite company. It was shameful. Who cares about what happens to porn people? That’s the attitude of mainstream society — that porners are dirt.

I swam in a sewer to report this story. I felt like I was falling into a moral abyss.

In 1997, I faxed a news tip — from the law office in Century City where I worked as a temp — to the Los Angeles Times about the HIV in porn story. I didn’t realize that a copy of everything faxed is spat out by a different part of the fax machine.  Everybody in the office found out about what I had done and they laughed at me. I got fired. I got fired from several temp job for similar blunders.

I covered myself in shame but my good work was eventually acknowledged throughout the mainstream media (60 Minutes, Entertainment Tonight, etc).

I hope that I am flexible, courageous and hard-working enough to break more such stories in the future. I want to be Scoop Luke — the man in the know. I want prestige. I want to be in the middle of the action.

I wonder what I could do to get more scoops. I need to cultivate more sources. I want scoops that are more prestigious than the mayor’s marriage breaking up or HIV in porn. I want to bring down a corrupt rabbi or senator or president.

I am tired. I hope they find a cure for CFS soon.

Let your haters be your motivators.

Nov. 11. I had a nice chat with ****. I didn’t tell her about how much the Vicki* comment Sunday night hurt me. I guess I have just distanced myself. I had a spectacular writing workshop last night. I blew them away with my story.

I wonder how hurt I feel about **** as opposed to sad and resigned. If I am hurt and angry, then I must keep trying. If I am primarily sad and resigned, then it is time to move on.

It bothers me that she is so close with her ex-fiance and other lovers (male and female) and that she taunts me about them and how easily she can get laid.

I can’t get laid so easily. I have such strong Torah values.

I learned in Alexander Technique today about the difference between grabbing with my hands and letting my fingers lengthen as I place them on somebody. I found I could not be contemptuous or provocative while keeping my neck free of tension.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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