Jealous Of Her Dog

I am wary about how emotionally attached she is to her dog. It’s not even her dog. It’s a friend’s dog that she takes home many nights. She’s more attached to this dog than she is to me.

I’m losing out to her dog!

She schedules me around her dog. She has to walk the dog and take him to the vet and take him on play dates with other dogs. Then there are the dinners when she gets together with friends who have a little dog that is his best friend.

I’m a dog person. I love this dog too. Here’s photographic evidence:

David Deida says beware of getting involved with someone who uses sexual substitutes. A strong masculine dog can be a sexual substitute for women. Not that they have sex with it, but they become so wrapped up in it that this relationship saps their sexual essence and they have less to give to their man. Their need for a man is largely filled by the stupid dog and any bloke who gets involved with her gets sloppy seconds.

A few weeks ago, the Moose (a mix of Rotweiler and boxer) went missing. She was distraught. I was sick in bed but her energy and love and devotion was all directed towards finding the dog. She spent about 20 hours putting up flyers all over the city, asking homeless if they had seen her dog. She asked all her friends how to find him and they suggested Craigslist and Facebook and other online ventures.

She finally found the dog. Its new owners wouldn’t give him up. They said she was an abusive owner. That she didn’t take care of the Moose.

The police had to be called. It was a big emotional stand-off finally solved after hours.

She’s way more into this dog than she is into me.

I bet she spends more time talking about her relationship with the dog than she does about me.

Here’s the thing — I am every bit as lost as the Moose was a few weeks ago. I am lost in my own ways and I need her help but she’s too consumed with the dog.

Talking to her on the phone that Sunday, I realized the only way I would see her that day would be if she could fit me in around her dog-sitting.

She finally invited me to dinner that night at the home of friends.

I took a shower after yoga but was not sure how to dress as she would be accompanied by her friend’s big black dog.

We went to Trader Joe’s so she could pick up wine.

Though plenty of kosher wines were available, she deliberately chose non-kosher wine.

Over dinner, she had a couple of glasses. That bothered me because she was driving us home.

Drink and drive on your own time, woman!

Her conversation that evening was 50% about dogs. A minute of conversation about dogs is about all I can handle before my eyes glaze over.

I wouldn’t talk about football for an hour over dinner if I knew that at least half of my audience had zero interest in the topic.

When she dropped me off, we hugged for a minute in the car (with the big black dog drooling over us) but anything further was not possible because of the dog.

A bunch of little things that day made me realize I didn’t rate very highly in her priorities.
That was the night I gave up on us.

I kept seeing her for a few weeks out of inertia but then we ended with a bang.

Khunrum emails: Let’s face it Luke, O’l Bowser is much more useful than you are. You don’t bark when there are intruders around. But most important you won’t go out in the morning and fetch the Los Angeles Times between your jaws and bring it back to the mistress. Advantage Dog. Next love interest look for a woman who likes cats, they’re rather useless.

Chaim Amalek emails: Let’s hear more about the dog. Does it have a penis? Is it large? When you cuddle with it, does it become aroused? How does the woman deal with that when she is alone in bed with her dog?

HAVE I BEEN WRONG ALL ALONG AND ARE DOGS, NOT CATS, THE NEMESIS OF THE WHITE WOMAN AND THUS THE WHITE RACE?

And if so, does the negro’s less soft-hearted (not the right word – Luke, help me out here) attitude towards dogs (as Michael Vick put it, "It’s only dogs") a token of its will to overrun the earth with his seed? Should single women be forbidden to own dogs large enough to possess genitals comparable in size to those of the least well endowed man?

Luke says: I was talking to a black girl the other day. "White people are crazy," I said. "They think dogs are part of the family. Black people are more rooted in reality. Dogs are dogs. They’re pets, not people."

She agreed with me.

I’ve always had the keenest insights about relations between the races.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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