I heard that sentence in a 12-step phone meeting (from a woman who sounded like she was in the second half of life) and it resonated. I’ve felt that too. I have perfect good family and yet I often yearn for some other family to come along to adopt me. Growing up, I often preferred to spend time with my friends’ fathers than with my friends. In my work life and in my learning particularly I’ve sought out father figures.
Because my mother was dying of cancer and my father had his hands full with his work and looking after her, I was largely in foster care ages one to four. That’s had a permanent warping of my personality.
Sometimes when I say something cruel, a friend or relation will ask me, “How can you think that way?” And I might answer, “Because I didn’t have a mother.”
I’m a chronic under-achiever. I’ve rarely done well in work or academics unless I was passionate. I got fired from my first few jobs (6th thru 10th grade) and usually performed in a mediocre fashion after that. I kinda half-ass things. I prefer to take the easy way out. I’d go to one job and spend time on another job or looking for other jobs.
