To the girl on the Metro with the cleavage

From the Best of Craigslist:

when you got up in the morning and got dressed, you chose to wear an outfit that partly reveals your boobs. you have a mirror. you knew. i didn’t force you to wear it.

in fact, when you bought this item, you knew that you were going to wear it, in public, and it would be revealing your tits a little (or a lot). make no mistake, i applaud you for this. but what i’m getting at, is that we both know you were showing off your rack. don’t lie, it’s not very subtle. and don’t pretend it’s a fashion thing. it’s a hooter thing.

so when you buy the top, and wear it, in the summer, in public, and you’re going to stand in front of me, guess what.

I’m going to look at your boobs.

first off, you should be flattered. i looked at them because they are nice. you should be upset if you were showing off your knockers and i didn’t look at them. actually, them being nice is why i looked at them repeatedly. the first peek was more of an instinct. guy-instinct. we can’t help it. after that, we just want to see as much of it as we can. to us, boobs are like the Godfather parts I and II. we can watch them over and over and never get tired of them.

anyway, yea, i looked at your cans. a bunch of times, actually. now, i understand no one likes to be stared at. this is why i did in fact look around the rest of the metro to see if there was anything else interesting to look at. unfortunately there were no other hot babes, no bums, no cute babies, no one was wearing a Slayer reign in blood tour shirt. nothing. so i went back to your melons. sorry. it was a boring ride, and they were right in front of me. but i think you forget that i was nice enough to focus on your funbags, as opposed to alternating between them and trying to make eyecontact. now that would have been ungentlemen-like. i realise no one finds true love over a pair of jugs on the orange line. it’s just not realistic. so i kept my head down, stood in a position as to be not overly obvious about my staring, made sure i didn’t get a semi (i got real close once, but i handled it), and tried to be as polite about the situation as possible.

so anyway, i just thought you should know my point of view on what happened. i am not a pervert. i was just a man on a metro. a man who saw something that pulled his mind out of the daily routine, and i held onto it dearly (not literally, ofcourse, though that would have been pretty sick). but as you can tell from this long posting, i do feel slightly bad about my behaviour. so to make up for it, i have decided, with pain in my heart, to release you from my spank bank.

i think it is fair to say we are even now. i think i did see a hint of slight animal lust in your eyes when you gave me that annoyed look and got out of the metro. so if you are reading this, baby, i’d really like to take you on a trip… a motorboating trip.