An old friend calls. "My mom didn’t read the whole thing. She just read a little and called me."
Luke: "’Oh son, to think that we had that man in our house. Let’s burn the sheets. You’re not to play with that dirty boy anymore.’"
Friend: "She liked you showering in the house."
Luke: "As a public service."
Friend: "Has your phone been ringing off the hook?"
Luke: "No. Just a few calls. It’ll be interesting to go to shul tonight."
Friend: "They don’t know?"
Luke: "I don’t know how much people know about me but I’ll find out tonight."
Friend: "Now they do."
"Do you think you’ll get tossed?"
Luke: "No. I hope they appreciate my inner beauty and ignore my body of work."
"So what’s new with you? How many different ailments you got this week?"
Friend: "It was good talking to you."
"I have an important question for you. I thought you’d be the one to call.
"Wait, that’s my mom…
"She sends her best.
"I know a guy who just became homeless and I was wondering if you have any suggestions. He doesn’t have a van to sleep in."
Luke: He should hook up with an older woman.
Friend: "He slept in my car last night in the parking lot. It’s all mashed up."
Luke: "Is he mentally ill?"
Friend: "He’s not a good budgeter of money. He works in film distribution. He’s putting together a business."
Luke: "He should call Jewish Family Services."
Friend: "He’s not Jewish. He’s an atheist."
Luke: "He should call Atheist Family Services. They’re great. But they make you listen to a sermon before they give you soup."
Friend: "He was staying at the Beverly Regent. Then at the TravelLodge. Then the street. He had a heart attack and ended up at Cedars Sinai yesterday."
