The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Amy Klein

I’ve been working on a poem for Amy Klein. How do you like it so far?

Oh, I used to love to make you cry
It made me feel like a man inside
If I had been a man in reality
You’d be here, baby, loving me

Now my nights are long and lonely
And I ain’t too proud, babe
I just miss you so
Girl, but you’re too proud
And you won’t give in
But when I think about all I could win

I’ll keep working my way back to you, babe
With a burning love inside
Yeah, I’m working my way back to you, babe
And the happiness that died

The Web Guy at the Jewish Journal posts Sept. 21, 2006:

Amy Klein’s lead article is killer cool.

Derrida, Hitchhiker’s Guide, Talmud, and a score of other references tied up in a compelling, first-person narrative of her seeker’s journey.

DaveK responds:

Really…talk about a disconnect. "One woman’s search for the meaning of life, the universe, and everything Why are we here? " What rubbish.

Do you honestly believe that this is what the rank and file think about? Here’s a newsflash sparky. Most of us don’t have the leisure time to ruminate about g-d, the universe and our place in it. What with both parents working, paying down a mortgage, forking over a kings ransom to give the kids a Jewish identity, its a wonder we can actually afford to visit the temple on High Holy days. You people need to leave your mansions in Beverly Hills once in awhile, get into the Lexus, and come see how the rest of us live before you start composing these sanctimonious, irrelevant and ridiculous articles. Oh yes, please inform Mr. Eshman that the practice of reading aloud the names of those who died for their country did not originate with him and his bully pulpit. I read those names aloud for my wife and family every damm Sunday when they print the lists of military deaths in The Los Angeles Times.

Henry Gregory posts:

Web Guy,

"Religion Editor?" Wow! I have nothing against Amy Klein, au contraire, I think she is very smart, but the title "Religion Editor" speaks volumes about the JJ mentality.

I am afraid Dave has a point here. Might ease up on religion a little. At best religion is a personal thing. The accent should be on Amy’s journey, self discovery, good writing, etc.

What’s next? Teresa Strasser for "Self Esteem" editor? Dennis Prager for "Moral Relativism" editor?

Dovenator posts: "Surprisingly I only needed to be resuscitated 3 times to get to the end of Klein’s article. This deep thinker really deserved her promotion from "Singles" editor to "Religion" editor. I always knew that deep down she was a serious journalist. I’m left with only one word to describe the article: Babylon."

DaveK writes: "Dov, Mediocrity is always rewarded.

"Please tell the "Religion Editor" not to quit her day job, which by all accounts, consists of trolling for single jewish men, not being able to relate to them, and then writing a thesis paper about how its their fault. On second thought, no wonder they made her the religion editor."

Henry Gregory posts:

Dave and Dov,

You fell for it and read the article. I didn’t. One look told me all I needed to know. Yet I respect Amy, and you don’t.

You waste your time, then deride the author. I save my time and love the author. The few lines I read were well written.

Both of you and Amy are all too involved in religion in your own different ways. She writes, you read, you try to make sense. Forget it. To say she is boring and you know better presumes there is something to know. Huge assumption.

Amy is a jewel of a woman. Smart women scare men, and she’s also a victim of this modern Western matriarchy where women want too much. Can’t help it. Even a 200 IQ can’t get a woman out of that predicament. But when it will work out, whoever gets her (or whoever she gets) is a lucky man.

On this New Year I wish all of you success, and I’m especially rooting for Amy.

DaveK posts:

Your extrapolations are erroneous. I am involved in my religion to the extent that if fulfills my cultural and political needs as a Jew. This is an attitude that is actually quite widespread amongst secular Israelis, the concept being that if you live in the Jewish State, and serve in the Jewish Army, you speak hebrew as your native tongue, than thats as Jewish as one need be. I perused the article without actually reading it. I saw no reason to involve myself in the grotesque quagmire of the usual inane details that are a hallmark of this woman’s "writing" style. You know something else Henry? I "do know better". All you need is ask.

Speaking of assumptions, Do you know this woman? Have you ever met her? If not, then how do you know she’s "a jewel of a woman"?

Henry Gregory responds:

I did not meet Amy, but she has a pretty picture, and I don’t find her singles column a grotesque quagmire. I read those, and rather like them. I see she is smart. Are you denying that too? Smart and pretty, that’s a good start. But OK, from that to a jewel of a woman was a leap. I was feeling good, and leapt, but you hold me by the short hairs so I have to be more careful.

As far as the article, you’re right. I went ahead and perused it … at least I gave it a good try. Yes, you’re right, it meanders and it’s not Amy’s best. Then authorities she quotes are a motley crew from unknowns to great scholars. It has a point here and there, but somehow it does not click. So?

As far as Amy goes, I conceded too soon. Should have trusted my instincts. She is not only smart and pretty, but she is good, generous and needs to be liked. These are very feminine characteristics. Her singles column was different, more modest, less demanding, more generous than others.

I do favor her over you and Dov, because I see her as more vulnerable. It’s not a men vs. woman thing at all. You have your struggles too, we all do, but she is caught in a singles dilemma.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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