The Haredi Jewish Family of “Shtisel” Returns for a Third Season

New Yorker: Of all the unlikely runaway hits in the history of television, “Shtisel” must be near the top of the list. The show, which débuted in Israel in 2013, has no nudity, no violence, and no dragons. Its characters are Haredi Jews, whom English speakers usually call “ultra-Orthodox,” and its raciest moment involves a woman trying to discourage a suitor by taking off her sheitel and revealing her graying hair. When the series came to Netflix, at the end of 2018, secular Jews everywhere went crazy for it. My phone lit up with messages from “Shtisel”-obsessed friends in Stockholm and Paris. On the Upper West Side, my parents were hooked. Newspapers around the globe covered “ ‘Shtisel’-mania,” and members of the tribe not normally inclined to piety reported that they had taken to kissing mezuzahs upon entering and leaving a room.

Such fans were surely responding, in part, to a bittersweet sense of shared heritage: there but for some ancestor who threw away his yarmulke go we. Then it was reported that Haredi viewers (the very phrase is something of an oxymoron) were also binge-watching the show. Observant Muslims said that they were glad to see a religious community depicted with such sensitivity; a Norwegian Christian confessed that “Shtisel” made him long for the childhood he never had in Geula, the Jerusalem neighborhood where the show is set. In short, people loved this series, and now there is more of it to love. A third season, produced in response to the passionate reception of the first two, has just been released, and it is as funny, moving, and humane as they were.

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What Is Counter-Transference?

Link: In psychoanalytic theory, counter-transference occurs when the therapist begins to project his own unresolved conflicts onto the client. Freud, in 1910, was the first to discuss this topic.

Transference of the client’s conflicts onto the therapist is a normal part of psychodynamic therapy. However, it’s the therapist’s job to recognize counter-transference and do what’s necessary to remain neutral…

Counter-transference is the therapist’s inappropriate reaction to his client. The therapist is reacting to an unconscious neurotic conflict within himself that the client has unearthed.

How does a therapist know he’s experiencing counter-transference? How do you know if your therapist is exhibiting the signs of counter-transference?

The first sign is an inappropriate emotional response to the client.

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Pathways To Pain Relief

Link: Frances Sommer Anderson, PhD is a New York-based psychoanalyst and expert on treating chronic pain…

How do you go about treating someone with TMS?

First, I will oversimplify by saying that the treatment is implied in the diagnosis: If hidden/repressed emotions create somatic pain as a distraction or avoidance mechanism to protect the psychological self from intolerable emotional pain, then treatment must aim to identify and help the patient experience and explore those emotions. Now this appears to be very easy for many people–the ones who become pain free after reading a book on TMS. I hear stories about these people from patients and have witnessed this kind of cure among friends and family members. These people didn’t need my help! How they are cured so quickly is a very interesting and important matter that I can’t address further here except to say that I’ve learned a good deal from treating a few of these people over the years after they’ve experienced a recurrence of pain that won’t go away.

The people I treat have usually tried very hard to eliminate the pain and are quite discouraged and critical of themselves because they haven’t been “successful” on their own. They often feel that they’ve “failed” the program, citing statistics in Dr. Sarno’s books about how few people need psychotherapy. As he has described, often TMS sufferers have internalized the value “Americans” place on being independent, self-sufficient, and invulnerable and have been rewarded professionally and financially for these traits. Many of the founders of our country were people in desperate straits who had to work hard to survive. Acknowledging vulnerability and fear could have been more perilous than toughing it out. Thus, it seems to be a part of our national “character.” Another large group of people with TMS have been rewarded for being nice, considerate, peace-makers, for pouring oil on troubled waters, indeed for making sure that there are no troubled waters.

These admirable qualities contribute to building a robust economy and to the smooth working of our social structure. When relied on at the expense of acknowledging one’s own feelings and needs, however, a consequence may be emotional and/or mindbody disorders such as TMS and its equivalents. The disavowal of dependency, vulnerability, and anger/rage contributes to overflowing emotional reservoirs of shame, fear, grief, longing, rage, and even love. The reservoir of rage that Dr. Sarno has brought to our attention, is problematic for many of us in our civilized western culture. Within the last few years, he has increased our awareness of the young child within who needed, and stills needs, unconditional love and acceptance. He has encouraged his patients to get to know that child through journaling and in therapy. In addition, quite a few of my patients have discovered the frustrated, insecure, adolescent who has also been unconsciously disavowed.

So, the treatment begins by exploring the context in which the symptom developed. Often, people do not have an awareness of the emotional impact of the physical/work/family/relationship environment in which they live because they have learned to survive and thrive by disavowing the emotions I described above. I ask for minute details, like a journalist, sometimes annoying with my “picky” questions about “who, what, when, where, and why.” We learn a lot from what they can and cannot answer. My aim is to help them identify “stressors” that can lead to the overflow of an emotional reservoir into a pain symptom. For example, a 36 year-old patient recently told me that, within the past year, his father had died suddenly, he had lost his job, and separated from his life partner. While these life events would cause many of us to have overwhelming feelings, he had scant appreciation of just how stressful these events had been. Thus his therapy began.

While identifying the life events preceding the onset of the pain, I am listening intently to how the person is speaking about the event. How is my patient reacting emotionally to what they are telling me. For example, are they laughing when telling me about what sounds like an enraging/embarrassing/shaming/humiliating situation? Do they seem sad when speaking about sad matters? Can I detect any emotion at all as they speak about a highly volatile interaction or a devastating loss? I often refer to this function of the therapist as the “emotion detector.” In the initial consultation I begin to bring the patient’s attention to this dimension of their participation, carefully probing to assess the extent of their awareness and how they react to my inquiring. We often identify this as an area where they will need to do work both inside and outside of the session.

For people who have great difficulty being aware of what they are feeling about what they are saying, I work intensively on this in each session. I recommend that they take a “feeling inventory” several times during the day and evening: Ask yourself, “What am I feeling about the events that happened during the past hour? How did I feel when my supervisee didn’t meet the deadline and casually brought the work into my office without acknowledging that it was late? How did I feel when our nanny called to say that she had an emergency and had to leave immediately, possibly indefinitely? How did I feel when our 16 year-old son showed up two hours past his curfew, undeniably drunk?” At the beginning of therapy, some people need to take this inventory once every hour.

As we are doing this “emotion detection” work inside and outside the sessions, we are also tracking pain levels as well as presence and absence of pain. This strategy is aimed at making links between emotions and pain symptoms. I offer a few examples to illustrate:

1) A patient had been pain-free all day but noticed that his pain started on the way to the session. I asked what he was thinking and feeling along the way. He realized that he had mixed feelings about being in the session. As we examine these feelings, his pain lessens but is not completely alleviated.

2) A patient is pain-free in the session until she starts to describe an interaction with her husband the previous night. In our discussion, we discover that she was furious with him and afraid of feeling her anger. We spend some time helping her tolerate that feeling right there in the session. As she becomes more comfortable with feeling angry, we talk about some constructive ways to express it to him. Her pain gradually subsides.

3) A patient is in excruciating pain as he enters the session and has no idea what brought on the pain the day before. We begin our search for the emotional triggers and discover that he had been dreading an upcoming phone call to his mother in which he planned to confront her in a way he had never done. As we discussed his strategy and what he was afraid would happen, his pain started to subside.

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Desirable But Dangerous: Rabbis Daughters in the Babylonian Talmud

Dvora Weisberg from Hebrew Union College writes:

In classical rabbinic literature, women are an anomaly. Rabbinic law sometimes treats women like persons and at other times like chattel.1 Non-legal texts some times characterize women in positive terms and portray individual women as having excellent qualities; at other times, the texts speak of women disparagingly.2 Some rabbinic texts recognize the inherent humanity of women, portraying them as intelligent, moral and spiritually inclined. Others treat women as the quintessential Other, assigning women fewer rights and responsibilities than men and offering them little or no access to Torah.

* …rabbinic literature displays some suspicion, and occasionally outright distaste, for learned women. The Babylonian Talmud contains stories of women who used their knowledge of Torah to subvert the law or to disparage men.8 While the study of Torah helps make men righteous, it offers no such assurances for women. In fact, it may have the opposite effect. At least one rabbi warns fathers against teaching Torah to their daughters, claiming that for women, the study of Torah leads to lewdness.9 While most women were unlikely to be exposed to Torah study in their everyday lives, the rabbi s daughter lives in an atmosphere permeated by Torah; her informal exposure to Torah is certain.

* rabbis were not sanguine about their ability to reproduce themselves, that is, their Torah, through biological reproduction.16 One “solution” was to reproduce oneself by “begetting” students. Male students are seen as an alternative to (disappointing) male offspring. Rabbis’ daughters, on one hand, are even less useful than sons in ensuring continuity, both because they leave the family upon marriage and because they do not study and cannot teach Torah to their sons. On the other hand, rabbis can marry
their daughters to their students, allowing them a way to bring a promising student “into the family,” making him an honorary son through marriage as well as through shared study.

* When daughters do appear in the biblical narrative, their presence often highlights the vulnerability of their father’s position in society. Lot’s offer of his daughters to the mob at Sodom underscores his vulnerability as a newcomer to Sodom.22 The rape of Dinah and her brothers’ subsequent attack on the town of Shechem force Jacob to confront his small numbers and lack of protection from his neighbors.23 David’s inability to control his sons is demonstrated by his lack of response to the rape of his daughter Tamar by her brother Amnon; David is “upset,” but takes no action.2

Daughters are also portrayed as conduits bringing grief and trouble to their fathers. Lot commits incest with his daughters; the marriage of Laban’s daughters results in his losing much of his wealth to Jacob. Jephthah blames his daughter for the consequences of his rash vow, exclaiming, “Alas, daughter! You have brought me low; you have become my troubler.”25
Pre-rabbinic Jewish sources recognize a daughter as a source of anxiety to her father. Ben Sira describes all of the stages of a girl’s life as fraught with tension — for her father.

“A daughter keeps her father secretly wakeful and worry over her robs him of sleep; when she is young, lest she do not marry, or if married lest she be hated; while a virgin, lest she be defiled or become pregnant in her father’s house; or having a husband, lest she prove unfaithful, or, though married, lest she be barren.”26

Ben Sira advises fathers to “keep strict watch over a headstrong daughter lest she make you a laughingstock to your enemies, a byword in the city… and put you to shame.”

* Perhaps in part to control or minimize the danger that is inherent in a daughter, rabbinic law grants a father extensive authority over his daughter while she is a minor.30 He owns anything she finds or earns. He may annul her vows. He is authorized to betroth her.31 The father may sell his daughter as a servant.32 If she is seduced or raped, he collects the fines for the injury.33The fathers authority ends when his daughter marries. The rights and authority of the father are transferred to a husband at the time of marriage.

* The rights accorded to the father are not balanced by responsibilities towards his daughter. A father is not legally required to support his daughter during his lifetime.36Daughters are entitled to support from their fathers estate after his death,37 but they are not their fathers’ heirs unless they have no brothers.38 The father s extensive rights over his daughter and the absence of paternal responsibilitysibility toward daughters leads Judith Romney Wegner to conclude that the legal status of a minor daughter “is barely distinguishable from chattel.”

* Many rabbinic texts portray Gentiles as dangerous to Jews. Captivity is an extreme form of danger. It is seen as particularly threatening to the chastity of Jewish women. Perhaps our story reflects the rabbis’ fears that Jewish women
will, at some point in captivity, “willingly” submit to their captors, rendering themselves “forbidden” (or at least less desirable) to their husbands when they are rescued.91 We might read this story as an expression of rabbinic anxiety about
resuming marital relations with a wife who has been a captive.

* A girl who is in captivity before her third birthday is still presumed to be a virgin for purposes of fixing her marriage settlement, but a girl who is a captive after her third birthday is treated like a woman who is presumed to have had sexual intercourse; her marriage settlement is half of that assigned to a virgin. Whether or not intercourse actually
took place, the girl’s status is permanently altered by her captivity; she is less desirable on the marriage market.

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How Americans Were Driven To Extremes

From Foreign Affairs: “In most cases, polarization grows out of one primary identity division—usually either ethnic, religious, or ideological. In Kenya, for instance, polarization feeds off fierce competition between ethnic groups. In India, it reflects the divide between secular and Hindu nationalist visions of the country. But in the United States, all three kinds of division are involved… This powerful alignment of ideology, race, and religion with partisanship renders America’s divisions unusually encompassing and profound. It is hard to find another example of polarization in the world that fuses all three major types of identity divisions in a similar way.”

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