James Deen Turns 30

Jack* emails: Porn superstar James Deen turned 30 this week. That doesn’t exactly put him in Peyton Manning territory, but he’s gotta be contemplating what’s next. He failed at mainstream films, and is the target of sexual abuse allegations. His pathetic father can’t land him a job at JPL based on a few semesters at Pasadena City College. And I doubt he’ll be doing commercials for Papa John’s or Nationwide Insurance any time soon. He can’t even endorse condoms because he was so outspoken against their use in adult films. A sausage company perhaps? No, Jimmy Dean is already taken. What is poor Bryan Matthew (Baruch Menashe) Sevilla to do? I recommend he hook up with Chabad (maybe I should have used another verb), and go on celebrity speaking tours about how he returned to his faith.