What can we do as Orthodox Jews to drive massage parlors out of our neighborhood?

My FFB friend says: “Flood them with so many dirty Jews, they will be repulsed, and leave forever! Let the rabbis lead the way…”

Luke: “Does it hurt your davening that there’s a whorehouse next door?”

Friend: “It gives me something to pray for.”

Luke: “Should we be praying for sex workers that they find a life of dignity?”

Friend: “Of course, what else would a frum married man be thinking? I don’t even know other women exist. If you only knew how perfect it is to be married!”

Luke: “Are these Asians massage girls doing jobs that Americans won’t do or are they taking our jobs and threatening marriages?”

“When a man can get a good Asian handjob for $80, does that reduce his dependence on his wife?”

Friend: “I think it reduces the frustration, and makes a better and happier world.”

Luke: “Marriage is frustrating?”

Friend: “Not for me. But for many Jewish men, yes. Just imagine if everybody came to shul smiling.”

“I think we, like the police, should leave massage parlors alone. It’s better than people having affairs or harassing women. If it’s wrong, God will punish them. For the most part you can barely tell that they are there. Only when the clientele become unruly, loud or obnoxious should police step in. I’m sure there are a couple thousand massage parlors in LA county, and the police know all about them. Big deal.”

Luke: “How do we get a cut from every tug to support yeshivas?”

Friend: “That’s a genius fundraiser.”

From Vice magazine: As a result, federal and local law enforcement agencies still know very little about the way that Asian massage parlors operate, except that the networks are highly organized and adept at stashing their money. Officials quoted in the study described a nationwide network of massage-parlor operators who bring women into Flushing, Queens, or Los Angeles, and then rotate them through various AMPs in Atlanta, Seattle, Denver, and across the Midwest.

“We’ve seen cases where a woman is quite popular with the clientele; then they will transfer her to a different spa depending on what events are going on in that city,” one federal law enforcement agent in Atlanta said in the report. “[In] Dallas, they are home to the Dallas Cowboys, the big stadium there, and if they have some event there they’ll transfer their money earners to those clubs. Whereas Atlanta has the SEC championship going on, they’ll have more girls come here.”

Meanwhile, the money earned by the parlors is eventually wired overseas, making the networks difficult to trace. “The question…, and I don’t know the answer to this, is, How organized is the system across all of the cities?” said one Dallas law enforcement official. It’s a “very similar scheme you can see across all of the major cities around the country. Then the money goes back and we can pretty much get it to Hong Kong, but we’re not going to get it to China.”

And clearly, the business model is working. Without any real law enforcement action to crack down on erotic massage parlors, AMPs are continuing to multiply, expanding their tentacles into untapped markets of mongers. “Guys get horny and know they can roll into an AMP and get a known quantity,” Spanky explained. It’s “not rocket science. Where there is demand there are always enterprising people willing to provide a service.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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