Jacob posts: "I always wander off and start thinking about hot babes. Before ya know it, I’m finished and commence doing the 3 step backup."
Not Frum posts: "I look around and wait till at least three people are finished until I sit down, so no one thinks I didn’t actually daven. I never actually say it, just trim my nails and try and think about life."
Daniel posts: "You know the old joke about the guy who was just getting to sleep when he gets woken up by this tapping on his chest, only to realize that it’s his right hand, and he’s davening shmonah esrei? Yeah, well, it’s not just a joke."
Joanna Angel replies to my email: "I usually thought about what to eat for dinner, or what to wear out that night, or maybe where I could score some weed."
Mel writes:
We’ve all been there. It begins with one small step, than 5 more. Three backwards, and Three forward. Slowly the world fades away, we are there carefully concentrating, as we stand before the One Above.
Suddenly, the plane crashes and we are stuck on a deserted island, I have no time to worry about my own injuries as I rush to tend to a pregnant woman who… wait no it was just a disguise, that’s wierd, I am looking eye to eye at Jack Bauer, out of nowhere Mr. T, yells, " Don’t be a Fool, it’s time for ressurection of the dead.
I look around me and think, uh oh, I think I am shukkeling too much, better tone it down a bit, speaking of which, that guy over there looks like he either really needs to use the restroom, or arnold shwartzeneger is shooting up the floor around his feet. FEET, Damn, I think I forgot to bend my knees… maybe no one noticed, as I non-chalantly pull off a mini-bow hoping I can play it off as a misstep in my Shukkle if anyone asks…
For some reason, I often think about things I shouldn’t during the shmona esreh. That’s why I prefer to study Torah rather than allow my mind to wander to the things missing from my life.
