Let’s parse the reasons: 1. They make the best food.
Chaim Amalek writes: But what should he do if no good Jewish girls are willing to marry him?
Let’s parse the reasons: 1. They make the best food.
Not so! Maybe the best kosher food, what what about Italian women?
2. You will never need to make a decision again.
Not a reason to marry a Jewess.
3. Jewish wives are incredibly devoted to their husbands.
That’s right, you’re her constant number one… which she’s happy to prove, by calling to “check in” 300 times a day. She’ll always champion your cause and she’ll always be right there supporting you in whatever you need.
She excels at social networking, and you are cast in a glowing light because of her. Hey, every good Patriarch was married to a great Matriarch.
4. She’s ambitious for you.
She truly cares about your happiness and overall success. So, you won’t face nagging when you come home late from a business dinner (but I can’t promise you won’t be guilt-tripped; she IS a Jewish wife after all.)
She’s always on her best behavior at company events, to ensure you get the recognition you deserve and achieve your full potential.
Honestly, if Moses had just sent his wife, she would have charmed Pharaoh into giving the Jews freedom wayyy earlier. #letherpeoplego
5. She keeps herself in shape.
Much like the 10 Commandments, she treats trips to the gym, spa and hairdresser as things to simply live by. Unfortunately, you may get fatter and balder with age and her cooking, but she appears to age backwards.
With every Jewish couple I know, the question is generally, “How did he get her?”
Her body is as hairless as you are hairy. What we lack in naturally skinny thighs, we make up for in effort and abusing your Amex to physically enhance ourselves.
6. She knows having sex is a Mitzvah.
Yes. On EVERY Shabbat and some festivals too.
She’s also turned on by a man who can lay Tefillin and say Kiddush, so brush up.
7. Her Jew-dar is spot on.
Yes, you may be better at the stock market than she is (Bull and bear what?), but can you tell by one quick glance under your oversized sunglasses, which family sunbathing by the pool is Jewish?
Because she can, and she’ll ensure you’re drinking Manischewitz with the new Jews before you’ve even noticed his oversized Chai necklace. L’Chaim!
If it weren’t for her, you would have literally no friends. Know that if you get divorced (God forbid), they all side with her.
8. She will idolize your sons for you.
In the same way as your mom made it abundantly clear you were attractive, smart and adorable, your wife will be sure to pour as much love and devotion onto your sons. And daughters, but really, it’s the sons she’ll be telling are too good for every woman who comes their way.
9. She gets your humor.
And not many people do, so you should really be grateful that she laughs at your jokes, despite having heard them a hundred times, and understands all your cultural references.
Baruch Hashem, such is the beauty of marrying within the tribe.
