The great rabbis have not been given to writing honestly and openly about themselves. The great exception (though R. Aryeh Leib of Modena also wrote an open autobiography) is 18th Century rabbi Jacob Emden, a subject of the 1988 Harvard PhD thesis of Rabbi J.J. Schachter, who writes there about Emden’s autobiography:
My impression from a careful reading of Megillat Sefer is that although Ernden’s rnemory was sometimes blurred by the passage of time, even when it came to remembering the year of his birth, he did not deliberately distort the truth in order to present himself in a more favorable light. On the contrary, he was very honest, often brutally so, graphically describing his various illnesses, failures ard manifold personal embarrassments. With unusual frankness and candor and with a remarkable lack of self-consciousness he described a rash on his private parts as a child, his frustration at not being allowed by his father to marry the girl he wanted, the impotence of his wedding night, his sexual needs, repeated marital conflicts and mental depressions. Under no circumstances was this an individual who was generally prone to consciously distorting the past in order to leave a more positive impression for the future.
Here are some highlights from the PhD thesis:
* “…Emden’s celebrated statement quoting the testimony of a Gentile woman that a circumcised penis provides her with greater sexual pleasure than an uncircumcised one is found only in some
editions of his Migdal ‘Oz (Altona, 1748), 2b.”
* Jacob’s life was not easy. “…a leprous boil appeared on my penis which blocked the urinary tract for some time in a manner that caused my parents worry, sorrow and great sighing because of me.”
* Jacob’s wedding was not a time of great joy. “For during the cohabitation of religious obligation (following the wedding) I lacked
virility and I agonized over this for several days. Although I was seventeen years old, I had not experienced the sensation of intercourse. I did not experience the feeling of joy for I was filled with grief and sorrow due to the raging60 melancholia. I experienced neither the sensation of a virgin nor that of a non-virgin. I was (thus) deprived of happiness and joy.”
* Even when apart from his wife, Jacob was able to resist temptation. “I was a young man, tender in years, in the full strength of my passion. I had been separated from my wife for a long time and greatly desired a woman. A very pretty unmarried young girl who was my cousin happened to meet me there and was alone with me. She brazenly demonstrated great love to me, came close to me, and almost kissed me. Even when I was lying in my bed, she came to cover me well on the couch, in a close loving manner. Truthfully, had I hearkened to the advice of my instinct she would not have denied my desire at all. Several times it (indeed) almost happened, as a fire (consumes) the chaff.
“Frequently there was no one in the house with me but her. They (i.e. the members of her family) were also not accustomed to come for they stayed in the store on the marketplace, occupied with their livelihood all day. Had God not given me great strength, excellency of dignity and the excellency of power (Gen. 4 9 : 3 ) , to overcome my fiery instinct which once almost forced me to do its bidding, (and) were it not for the grace of God which was great upon me, (I would have
been unable) to withstand this very powerful temptation, greater than all temptations. I was a man at the prime of my strength and passion. There was a very pleasant beautiful woman before me who demonstrated for me all manner of love and closeness many times. She was related to me, unmarried, a tender child and recently widowed. She may have been ritually pure or would have ritually purified herself had I requested it. If I had wanted to fulfill my passionate desire for her, I was absolutely certain that she would not
reveal my secret. I controlled my instinct, conquered my passion and determined to kill it.”
* Jacob’s health problems lasted a lifetime. “However, this time I drank excessively the waters of the cooked tea from which I sought respite from my sorrow and turmoil, to overcome the thoughts of my spirit and to find rest. But it turned into something which broke and shattered me, for all my blood turned to water and the source of my urine opened, flowing like a well. I would not stand for a moment without urinating. This caused me great, bitter and harsh pain at the tip of my penis. Often it was just one step between me, etc. Frequently I fainted, my spirit almost departed, were it not for the great mercies of Heaven.”
* I hazard that Rabbi Jacob Emden wrote more about his penis than any other sage.
