Should we pay for Sandra Fluke’s recreational sex acts?

Greg Leake emails: Hi Luke,
Sandra Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University, is demanding that the Catholic Church and American taxpayers pay for her recreational sex acts.

The amount of money she is requesting rounds out to about 1,000 sex acts per year that we need to pony up for.

Luke, it seems to me that this automatically falls into your territory of expertise.

Now another girl at Georgetown has said that Ms. Fluke does not represent the opinion of most students at Georgetown. She is the head of the conservative students organization and stated that most students are aware that Georgetown U is a Jesuit organization and therefore bound by theological proclamations from the Magisterium in respect to birth control.

All this being the case, I have a few suggestions.

1. As we can see from the conservative leader, Ms. Fluke does not speak for the student body at Georgetown. Therefore, her request for subsidized birth control most be seen as simply a personal request on her part for the rest of us to pay for her recreational sex acts.

My view is that the full Congress and Senate should be summoned to have a national discussion about whether citizens of the United States should pay for Ms. fluke’s escapades. They should have a conference committee between the House and Senate to nail down the particulars of what the US government is going to do to fund Ms. fluke’s birth control.

2. Should it be decided that the American people, out of a sense of fairness and justice and respect for the people who won World War II, believe that we should subsidize Ms. Fluke, then we need to hear debate on the floors of the House and Senate how many sex acts the people should have to subsidize. Senators from Massachusetts or California, for example, might feel we should fund all the 1000 or so sex acts per year. But what if some of the sex acts are with other women? What if some of the sex acts involve coupling in such a way that birth control is unnecessary? The debate needs to take place on a national level, and other problems should be put aside while we immerse ourselves in contemplation of Ms. Fluke’s sex acts.

It is clear that Ms. Fluke feels that the American people and the wider world are out of step with history if we do not realize that the universe revolves aroundMms. Fluke’s sex acts.

So, Luke, my request is that you get in touch with your friends at Vivid or Evil Angel or another huge porn producer and get ready to document each of Ms. Fluke’s sex acts. There must be oversight. We must ensure she is squeezing in a thousand sex acts per year, and that there is a payoff for us as we cater to her whims. Certainly the presidential elections should be put aside until this is accomplished.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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