Comfortably Snuggled In Orthodox Judaism

From my live cam chat:

palestine4ever:  "Engineering sweeping moral change" leaves little time to clean the hovel πŸ™‚
palestine4ever:  That is a suspiciously feminine comforter for a bachelor.
palestine4ever:  Unless it’s part of the pick up king tricks.
palestine4ever:  "Come see my flower comforter, babe."
palestine4ever:  I like the new title graphic up front
palestine4ever:  A crucified Luke would be the best though
palestine4ever:  Yay. πŸ™‚
palestine4ever:  "This Goy Died for Your Sins. And He’ll Rise and Print a Retraction on the 3rd Day"
palestine4ever:  Luke, are you a fan of b-movies?
YourMoralLeader:  no
palestine4ever:  damn
palestine4ever:  I was hoping to share some of my Italian amphetamine mad max rip-offs to ease your illness.
palestine4ever:  I otherwise have no useful links
palestine4ever:  I did sort of wonder why you weren’t consulted for Wired’s current cover story:
palestine4ever:  I believe you were a microcelebrity before anyone knew what a microcelebrity was
palestine4ever:  i hope that’s a kosher magazine
palestine4ever:  blessed by the cohenim
palestine4ever:  you should twitter tho
palestine4ever:  you’d probably have a lot of followers
palestine4ever:  tech dorks obsessed with money like to show off their "eccentric friends"
palestine4ever:  I believe you and the Tron Guy from Youtube are the only two reasonably qualified to critique that wired story
palestine4ever:  Anyway, how are the Jews treating you?
palestine4ever:  You weigh weighty moral issues all day.
palestine4ever:  Your brain needs a rest, to renew itself with lighter fare.

Rebbe:  show me your tongue
YourMoralLeader:  you’re right
Rebbe:  if u talk will I hear ou?
guest116:  yeah why not marrrry
Rebbe:  say something
guest116:  you look handsome…somewhat
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
YourMoralLeader:  i need a good loving woman
Rebbe:  I think this is a prerecorded webcam. Say something Luke.
guest116:  you dont have one?
Rebbe:  Great!!
RabbiGadol:  Have you been to the mikvah?
Rebbe:  I am a virgin
Rebbe:  no need for mikva
RabbiGadol:  I would not want to have sex with a needah
RabbiGadol:  Yes there is, if you have been bleeding.
Rebbe:  Ok I have been to mikvah
RabbiGadol:  Of course, you might be a homosexual
RabbiGadol:  Gays need not go to the mikvah
Rebbe:  luke, get rid of this lewd guy
RabbiGadol:  But the torah teaches that your kind must be exterminated if you lie down with a man as with a woman, unless you are a woman
Rebbe:  yeah, thetorah is rubbish
RabbiGadol:  The torah is fine with lesbians
RabbiGadol:  Because after all, it was written by a guy.
Rebbe:  torah is primitive fake
RabbiGadol:  And guys like lesbians.
RabbiGadol:  Luke, that beard is perhaps your greatest achievement in life.
Rebbe:  most of torah is based on superstotion
Rebbe:  luke yo are f**king manic depression
RabbiGadol:  Rebbe, which school of thought are you part of?
Rebbe:  rebbigadol. where are you in the world
RabbiGadol:  Near New Jerusalem
RabbiGadol:  Luke, what on earth are you watching/listening to?
RabbiGadol:  And why?
Rebbe:  I was brought up ultra orthodox. I am married, 3 kids ultra orthodox, but inside I believe nothing. You?
RabbiGadol:  Rebbe, how does your spouse feel about these matters?
Rebbe:  she doesnt know
Rebbe:  what is your school
RabbiGadol:  Tell her, and let the chips fall where they may
Rebbe:  what is you school of thought Rebbi
RabbiGadol:  Sister Theresa too, did not believe, and yet here she is a saint in the eyes of the Church.
RabbiGadol:  Litvish-Reformed
Rebbe:  ultra orthodox?
RabbiGadol:  Criminy, what is this in the background?
YourMoralLeader:  that was cheryl shuman
RabbiGadol:  Me?  No, I’m ultra-modern orthodox
YourMoralLeader:  she’s been in a bad car accident
RabbiGadol:  What happened to her?
YourMoralLeader:  but made a video she emailed me and friends
RabbiGadol:  Why is she sending you videos?
RabbiGadol:  I thought she hated you.
Rebbe:  luke, you have a sad life
YourMoralLeader:  loves me too
YourMoralLeader:  help me rebbe
Rebbe:  do tsuvah. go to uman etc.
RabbiGadol:  Luke, you would make a fine reform Jew.
RabbiGadol:  You could be the most observant reform Jew in all of Christendom.
Rebbe:  luke either orthodox or atheist. Reform is rediculous
RabbiGadol:  Reform is fine for those for whom it is a good fit.
SATAN:  i think he looks like a muslim imman
Rebbe:  If orthodox arent true, then the whole thing is a myth…
RabbiGadol:  Or maybe some of it.
RabbiGadol:  Ask Luke.
RabbiGadol:  He struggles with these problems.
Rebbe:  f**k religion and f**k the god scam
RabbiGadol:  Rebbe, why live a lie?
Rebbe:  luke, is there a god??
RabbiGadol:  Get out of the closet.  Where do you live?
SATAN:  he dont struggle wit food do e
Rebbe:  I am too deep in it. Changing would mess everything up. Its a comfortable lie
RabbiGadol:  where are you?
RabbiGadol:  Many New York haredim find solace in hookers.
Rebbe:  If i come out, i would lose my wife and kids and happy life, so its nbot worth it. I can get porn etc. on the net so there
RabbiGadol:  Where do you live?
Rebbe:  NY
RabbiGadol:  Are you a hassid?
Rebbe:  you?
Rebbe:  yes
RabbiGadol:  Which strain?  Satmar?
Rebbe:  Cant say. Protection
Rebbe:  where do you live
RabbiGadol:  Oh, unless it is some tiny little branch, don’t be so paranoid
RabbiGadol:  NY
RabbiGadol:  You are in Brooklyn?
Rebbe:  if i would come out there would be an earthquake. I am actually in a very high position in my community. Enoiugh said πŸ™‚
RabbiGadol:  OK
RabbiGadol:  Get yourself a pelegesh
Rebbe:  Anyone for cybersex?
RabbiGadol:  A Dominican
RabbiGadol:  Dominicans make great pelegesh
Rebbe:  I am not the way I am because of lust. I genuinely think its all crap
RabbiGadol:  Luke, what should Rebbe do?
SATAN:  go muslim
YourMoralLeader:  what he is doing
RabbiGadol:  Luke is much like you in that he really does not believe many core doctrines, but wants to remain part of the community for social reasons.
RabbiGadol:  What do you make of a Jew living in a closet like the Rebbe?
Rebbe:  I am back baybelech
RabbiGadol:  Is the closet any place for a Jewish man?
Rebbe:  luke, would u like me to leave
Rebbe:  look at lukes ampty life
RabbiGadol:  It is not all that empty
Rebbe:  rabbi gadol, would u like to meet?
guest118:  As opposed to everyone here
SATAN:  i think hitler was a very misunderstood man listenin to you w**kers
RabbiGadol:  Rebbe, because of the social implications of two strange men meeting, I, as a matter of public decorem, only meet with women from the internet.  Just so that there are no misunderstandings.
Rebbe:  satan, you need to get a life. Your train of thought hows us that u are unhappy wih your present self. seek help. good luck
guest118:  119 The smartest guest in the room. Image watching an empty cam
Rebbe:  rabbi, i meant meet as in so that you see who i am, not in the sexual way…
SATAN:  yeaaaa
RabbiGadol:  I was kidding. I never meet anyone through the internet.
RabbiGadol:  I know there are support groups for Jews who are closet atheists.
Rebbe:  and even in that context, i was just teasing. If I come out, my life would be over in an important sense
Rebbe:  where are these groups?
Rebbe:   I am happy for someone to prove me wrong, i even yearn for someone to prove me wrong, but all theevidence that I see shows that god is just a myth
SATAN:  ill buy that
RabbiGadol:  I’m sure many practicing Jews agree with much of what you say here
Rebbe:  check out the "greatest jews" in our time, a bunch of self loving pigs. see. satmar bobv, ponevetch etc.
Rebbe:  sata, are you orthodox?
SATAN:  god said when he threw me outa heaven watch that first step its a ba***rd
Rebbe:  ha ha. were you born to an orthodox family?
Rebbe:  going back to ur hitler comment, i would bet that yes
SATAN:  i like religion it causes so many wars

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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