She writes in the Jewish Journal:
What applies to acting also applies to dating.
For instance, if I meet a really good-looking and charming guy at a party whom I want to impress, I go into acting mode. I ask myself: How should I behave? Should I walk up to him and say "Hi"? Should I stand there nonchalantly and wait for him to make the first move?
When I e-mail him, I overthink the timing and wording of the letter. I become a playwright. Should I think of a creative subject line or keep it casual? Should I open it with "Hey" or "Hi"? And how should I sign it? With "Best regards"? With just my first initial?
I know I’m really infatuated in a bad way when I actually think of implementing the advice of that lame book "The Rules," such as: "Don’t stare at men or talk too much" or "Don’t call him or rarely return his calls" or "Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday."
Then, if we go out on a date, I try to be, or at least act, put together, cool, perfect. I don’t allow myself to become vulnerable. I don’t honestly share my likes and dislikes, my strengths and insecurities. I worry too much about what the guy wants to hear rather than what I truly want to say. In short, I’m not myself. I’m acting.
Contrast this behavior with a guy I’d consider only as a friend. I can chat it up with him for hours and talk about whatever concerns me, without worrying about what he thinks of me. I write whatever I feel like in an e-mail without proofreading it 10 times. I complain about my day, my problems, my hopes, my dreams. Strangely, my guy "friends" are those who end up falling in love with me.
I think it’s because when I’m myself with the opposite sex, I create real moments — the Oscar-worthy moments that light up a screen or a stage because the audience sees the real character — her pain, joy, uncertainty, triumph. I let go of the script and show what’s between the lines — and what’s inside my heart.
So I’m learning to change my approach — not only in acting class, but in the real-life drama of my dating life. I think part of the challenge is finding the right "scene" partner — the supporting male who can bring out my true character, who doesn’t make me feel the need to read from a script or follow rules.
Maybe by learning to be more natural and hence creating authentic moments not only stage, but also over coffee or dinner with the men I date, I’ll earn my real Oscar — a shining golden man to take home.
The reason that Orit’s guy friends fall in love with her isn’t because she’s natural but because she breathes. Any guy who doesn’t fall in love with Orit, that I don’t understand.
