Fred emails: Reb yid,
Been a lurking fan ever since the Protocols. While you gravitate towards Yiddishkeit, I am repelled by it. Not repulsed, as I once was, after being a ritualistic agnostic and feigning the part of a litvisheh yeshiveh bucher for years.
I’ve purged myself of hatred towards this creed that attempted to keep me in the herd through fear and guilt.
I never fell into the atheist trap however, as atheism requires faith tantamount to that demanded by any other religion.
The more I study, physics/maths/cog-sci in particular, the more I recognize a being that transcends space and time. The question is whether such a being that created 10^1000 galaxies gives a shit about us, or is benevolent for that matter.
On the other side of the coin, I content myself with the Hegelian/Eastern concept of all life being fragments of a single entity – steadily growing aware itself along the arrow of time.
For much time, I found my tachlis in studying the pure sciences. “Euclid, alone, hath gazed upon beauty bare”.
But this is bullshit. Leonardo DiCaprio, alone, hath gazed upon beauty bare.
And I have not. And when I am, I am used for my cunning linguist skills, exploited, and then tossed out.
Being desired by beautiful women is my greatest motivator, and has been for a long time. Yet this has ever been beyond my reach. I’m the so called “nice guy”, or AFC, in PUA lingo.
If I cannot achieve this goal in this incarnation, then life is worthless to me. It is a deal-breaker.
I’ve read the Picture of Dorian Gray numerous times, and know that that road does not provide lasting happiness. Yet the gaping hole, pardon the double-entendre, in my life, its glaring absence makes it such a priority for me. It has triggered recurrent major depressive disorder.
I’ve seen many of your posts describing you in this situation.
Therefore I’m interested in hearing how you deal with this, having interviewed the most desirable women, a single one of whom could restore my passion for life.
