The Tragic Pet Hour

When it comes to pets, men want a buddy and women want a child.

On his show Dec. 27, 2010, Dennis Prager said:

I get enough disagreement outside of my house. Inside my house, I really like harmony. The more you agree on [as a couple], the better. When you step outside the house, you can take on the world. Inside the house, you don’t want to take on your spouse.

This is one of the pet horror stories of my childhood.

My father would come in my room every week and see that the turtle hadn’t moved. The lettuce is still there. “Dennis, he’s dead.”

“Dad, I don’t think he’s dead. They just don’t do much.”

“Dennis, he’s dead. We don’t need a dead turtle in the house.”

“Dad, dad, that’s the way turtles are.”

“Dennis, he’s dead.”

All right. I believed my dad. I flushed him down the toilet and then he started crawling.

Every pet we had came to an [unfortunate end].

As the flushing started, no, he didn’t get out. He can’t escape a flush. It’s a terrible story.

Then we had a bird. My father looked at the bird and said, “I feel sorry for him. We should let him fly.”

“Dad, dad, you can’t let him out of the cage.”

“Let him fly! The animal is suffering.”

“Dad, I’m telling you, these birds, it’s not a good idea.”

“Dennis, it’s not right the way we are treating him.”

“OK, dad.”

So we let the bird out. He sees a mirror. He flies to the other bird. He cracks his skull. Dead bird.

We had another one. Something tragic happened.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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