Worldly men rent vagina. Godly men rent Hasidim.
Oh, how it makes my Modern Orthodox heart sing when I can pray with the haredim. Just like it used to make my Reform heart dance when I could pray with black Christians.
Normally, religious Jews (Haredim) only come to my shul to solicit donations. Only on occasion do they deign to pray with us.
But now I’m hooked up to Hasidim who are willing to come spend Shabbos with me, to eat at my table and to pray at my shul, just so they can do a little fundraising motzi shabbos.
How my heart swells to see these cute black men with their big hats tuck their payas (sidelocks) behind their ears and embrace me at my egalitarian shul.
How we give them aliyot! We’re so proud.
Such songs they sing! From where they come to where they go, oy, this is better than Debbie Friedman.
I hope they will come to my LimmudLA. Just for the visual effect alone, how my heart will swell with pride.
I may not be an authentic Jew, but for a $500 donation I get to be close to authentic Jews for a few hours.
It’s not just my money they want. I’m quite close to one of them. We study Torah together. He seems to get genuine pleasure from it. I don’t think he’s faking. He’s really into it… Moans, sighs, twirls his payos…
I love releasing my inner Hasid. I’d be a real Hasid but my wife’s not into it…
