Describe a dinner party featuring only people who work at NPR news and now they’re all drunk and telling it like it is.
ChatGPT says:
Picture it: the annual NPR News holiday party. Everyone’s had too many craft cocktails, the tote bags are piled in the corner, and the staff have lost the professional, public-radio cadence. The masks are off, the honesty comes out.
Scene: NPR Dinner Party, 11:47 PM
Host (politics desk reporter):
“Okay, let’s be real. We act like we’re objective, but the only time we call Republicans ‘principled’ is when they’re criticizing other Republicans.”Foreign desk editor (half-drunk, waving a fork):
“Try pitching a story about crime in Chicago with hard numbers. Watch how fast standards & practices comes down on you. But if it’s climate change, you can literally submit a poem and it’s greenlit.”Culture correspondent (leaning in conspiratorially):
“We cover Beyoncé like she’s the second coming. Meanwhile, I couldn’t get a segment on rural church music because apparently that’s ‘too niche.’”Producer (laughing, nearly spilling wine):
“Too niche? We once aired a 20-minute piece on the history of artisanal butter churners. Butter churners!”Investigative reporter:
“I had a whole file on how foundations steer half our coverage. Guess what happened? The grant manager said, ‘This would be a conflict with our current funders.’ Boom. Killed.”Intern (already oversharing):
“So basically, we’re a lifestyle brand for liberal guilt. The news is just the packaging.”Everyone, laughing too hard:
“SHHHH, don’t say that on mic!”Final Toast
Senior editor (slurring, holding up a glass):
“To NPR! Where we whisper the news with dignity, then get drunk and admit we’re just a national therapy session for people who shop at Whole Foods.”Chorus:
“To tote bags and plausible deniability!”
