We were starting to get the feeling that something was missing from The Daily Transom. And then it hit us, hard—like Britney Spears’ umbrella on K-Fed’s car. It’s been over two weeks since we last checked in with our celebrity life coach, Patrick Wanis, PhD. This time, we talked about what he called “the curse of the reality show.”
Mr. Wanis said it’s as simple as looking at all the celebrity couples whose relationships hit the skids during or shortly after wrapping their series: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (Newlyweds); Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro (‘Til Death Do Us Part); Britney Spears and Kevin Federline (Chaotic); Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler (Meet the Barkers); Danny Bonaduce and Gretchen Bonaduce (Breaking Bonaduce); and Kathy Griffin and Matt Moline (My Life on the D-List). “And let’s not forget—although we might want to—Liza Minnelli and David Gest,” said Mr. Wanis. The cringe-worthy pair couldn’t even finish taping the first season of their VH1 show before divorcing.
…In a document Mr. Wanis released exclusively to The Daily Transom, he details the reasons why, in his view, reality TV is relationship poison:
Being in front of TV cameras for great lengths of time triggers two automatic behavioral responses:
1. The subconscious desire to please others and gain their approval will lead us to play the role and say the type of things that we believe others expect of us.
2. “Emotional nakedness” whereby our critical defenses are lowered and we blurt out and act the truth -what we truly think and feel from our subconscious mind – the things we would usually hide, contain or try to control.
Further, there is the additional emotional strain of being followed around continuously by TV cameras which robs the reality star of much of his/her freedom and private thoughts. Privacy and personal time for reflection are important components of mental and emotional health. Also, being on camera many hours a day is equivalent to working long hours at a job, leading to physical and mental strain. And the camera also becomes like a person invading your personal space and judging your every thought, action and response with little or no time for a true rest and break. This can lead to frustration, irritability, arguments, defensiveness and anger. Additionally, the exposure, publicity and fame can result in delusion, a loss of sense of one’s real self and a transformation of one’s values. In other words, the TV cameras intensify and exaggerate the best and worst of each reality star.
In the case of a married couple, the TV cameras and reality show will also rob the couple of the critical personal, private time for intimacy – emotional intimacy.
