I’ve spent my life chasing distinction instead of connection. When I change this habit and spend more energy on connection instead of attention, I not only increase my happiness, I also become more effective.
We can’t always win in the attention economy but we can all become more effective.
What annoys me about pundits is that they primarily promote themselves rather than the truth.
The truth is that we and they are insignificant (except to a tiny number of people connected to us such as family and friends).
If I died today, a dozen people would be devastated and a few hundred people would be sad.
Ira Israel is on to something here:
It may sound paradoxical but what if the path to enlightenment begins with accepting our own insignificance? What if the drive to be “somebody” is what fuels our anxiety and depression?
As a therapist, I often see patients struggling under the weight of needing to feel significant. In helping them, I have found surprising common ground between three different traditions: the Buddhist concept of sunyata, philosopher Jean‑Paul Sartre’s idea of nothingness, and psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan’s notion of subjective destitution. Each challenges our attachment to self‑importance, not to erase the self but to free it. And far from espousing nihilism, each theory outlines a path towards freedom and authenticity.
We live in a culture that rewards visibility — likes, follows, and polished personal “brands” that we create mostly for social media. Most of us are conditioned to equate attention with worth, but this hunger for admiration often breeds alienation, resentment, frustration, jealousy, and disappointment — from others, and even from ourselves. What if well‑being doesn’t come from building shinier facades, but from loosening our holds on trying to be significant?
…The self is not fixed or permanent.
Emptiness or lack is not a defect; it’s the starting point for freedom.
Clinging to self‑importance fuels suffering and alienation.
Letting go invites more responsible, authentic engagement with life.
Rejecting self‑importance doesn’t mean drifting into passivity or cynicism. These ideas can help us redirect our energy toward genuine connection and contribution:
Serve compassionately: Let meaning come from helping others, not from seeking validation.
Live your values quietly: Integrity matters more than applause.
Build inclusive communities: Welcome people for who they are, not what they achieve.
Support larger causes: Invest in the well‑being of the planet and others.
Mentor without ownership: Share knowledge freely, without needing credit.
Create as an offering: Let art or innovation enrich life, not your résumé.
Listen deeply: Hear others without rushing to center yourself.
Be present: Release preoccupation with recognition; focus on the moment at hand.
Practice spontaneous kindness: Give without calculation.
Stay vulnerable: Honest sharing fosters real connection.
