In a relationship, being responsible doesn’t always promote attraction

From Reddit:

I got divorced in the middle of last year, and about five months later I met my current girlfriend.

She’s Russian. And while she’s supportive and kind when I display true vulnerability, she also isn’t very tolerant of displayed weakness: complaining without action, not being proactive in planning activities, lack of independent thoughts or opinions, not following through with promises.

Those who have dated Russian or Eastern European women can likely attest to this.

Dominant, beautiful, and feminine women require men who are in their masculine center. A good woman will accept you for who you are fundamentally, and give you space to have your moments of weakness; however, if weakness becomes the baseline behavior, the attraction begins to erode.

Nice Guys will complain that this is arrogance or superficiality on the part of the woman, but it’s just the nature of polarity between masculine and feminine energies.

When I met her, I was in solid shape. I was attending kickboxing classes regularly. I was dating other women casually. My divorce allowed me to have time and space to focus on myself instead of constantly being consumed with my duties as a husband and father.

With my newfound freedom, I was able to build up my masculine core and physical appearance, which had increasingly been neglected throughout the course of my marriage.

By the time I had met my girlfriend, I was displaying masculinity, dominance, and value, because I had worked on myself and experienced rejection as well as success with many different women over the course of several months.

Earlier this year, my responsibilities began to pile up again. I purchased a new home, I was still learning to co-parent and be a part time single dad.

On top of this, I bought a fucking dog– my house started to smell like puppy shit on a consistent basis.

Being worn down by my duties, I had neglected staying on top of my physical fitness, and had gained roughly twenty pounds. Some days I was simply was too busy to give a damn.

In terms of my relationship, I consistently used my girlfriend as an emotional sounding board on how overwhelmed I felt with everything. Instead of working towards substantially addressing my problems, I adopted a position of victimhood, instead of being grateful for the things I had and taking responsibility for everything.

Last week, over the course of several days, her texts became less frequent and were shorter. On the days we didn’t see each other, her communication tapered off. I saw from a mile away what was coming.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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