Clueless Jews Campaign To End Hunger In Los Angeles

I’d love to see some evidence that anyone is dying in Los Angeles of malnutrition.

I walk around Pico-Robertson and see all my favorite Orthodox shuls promoting, a campaign to solve a problem that does not exist.

I’ve seen pictures from Ethiopia. I know what starving looks like. I ain’t seen no starving people in LA. Yeah, you see people eating food out of trash cans. That does not mean they’re starving. It means they’re pathetic.

I ate food out of trash cans when I was a kid because I saw yummy desserts that were forbidden to me at home and I’d reach right in and stuff my face with day-old donuts and the like from the trash can behind the Angwin supermarket (and my friends would dive in the trash behind the nearby post office looking for porn).

Why are Jews always getting hysterical about problems that don’t exist while ignoring their most pressing problem — Jewish ignorance of Jewish text? Because it is a lot easier and more exciting to get hysterical about hunger in Los Angeles or global warming or employment rights for the transgendered rather than do the hard work of learning Hebrew and studying Torah.

Nothing in this Los Angeles Times article provides any evidence that anybody in Los Angeles is starving.

I’m starving, but not for food. I’m starving for the type of affection that is forbidden to me by the Torah, but I don’t expect synagogues to put up signs urging women to slake my sinful urges. No, I’ll wait humbly and patiently for my wedding night. That’s how a Torah Jew is supposed to behave, not to go parading around in public raising hysteria about non-existent problems while dressed in women’s clothing and getting all teary-eyed about "marriage equality."

Do you know why there are so many people living on the streets of Pico-Robertson? Because we feed them so well. Because we give them charity. If, instead of giving them money and encouragement, we spat in their faces, we’d have a lot fewer of them.

Preach on that, rabbi!

If you want more of anything, including the homeless, just subsidize and enable.

God bless you and please vote Republican.

Duke Helfand writes:

The activists are asking Jews to volunteer at food banks or pantries, organize neighborhood food drives, or donate food or money to turn Los Angeles into a hunger-free zone.

“L.A. is euphemistically called the hunger capital of America,”  federation President John R. Fishel said during a news conference today outside the agency’s Wilshire Boulevard headquarters. “As we approach Rosh Hashana, [we] felt it was important to take the initiative and address this problem.”

The federation is running the campaign with the Board of Rabbis of Southern California, the Sova Community Food and Resource Program, and Mazon, a Los Angeles group that funds hunger relief agencies in the U.S. and abroad.

The website, sponsored by the federation, provides more information about the campaign.

Mel writes: "No one should have to go to bed hungry at the end of the day – i don’t care if they are pathetic or not – they’re still people. and yes, we are starving spiritually for sure."

I go to bed hungry every night. Why don’t I get any sympathy? Why is hunger for food any more worthy a cause than other types of hunger? Why aren’t rabbis preaching about the need to feed me? Why don’t they preach to their young single female congregants, you must minister to this man, this tzaddik in our time, this greatest writer of his generation, this servicer of the Jewish people?

Oy, my feelings are so exquisite, so raw, so transcendent, and yet there’s no campaign to meet my needs. What’s up with that? I roll around on the floor of my hovel begging for scraps from my master’s table, screaming for a few drops of water to cool my fevered brow, and yet solace never arrives. I live beside a banquet and yet I starve.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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