Teresa Strasser, if we made you cry, we apologize!
But come on. Did we really make you cry? Really? From a listen to the evidence, it seems more likely you made up the story to carry out a hit on behalf of your bosses!
And the hit was on us, a puny– though qualified– voice in cyberspace.
We got word yesterday that Teresa, who does double duty at the execrable Adam Carolla radio show and the syndicated TV series based on the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, talked about us on the radio. And thanks to fans at the Adam Carolla message board, we were able to hear what she said about us.
Teresa, Teresa, Teresa… The poor gal, who for months has been a sexual punching bag for Carolla and crew, whose radio persona is based on whining about her unlucky-at-love status, and who is now aligned with a heartless tabloid series, actually claimed that one of our reports made her cry.
Teresa didn’t mention us by name, but gave enough hints that within minutes, our Tabloid Baby items were already posted on Carolla message boards and fan sites. And though she sounded to be speaking extemporaneously during the segment, anaysis shows that its more likely she was referring to, and reading from notes (whenever she was interrupted mid-sentence by Carolla, she returned to the same point, verbatim)– notes that were inaccurate.
To be blunt, she lied. In fact, Teresa’s complaint, which forms the basis of a 23 minute and 25 second Carolla show segment, appears to be the first diversionary counterattack from TMZ in wake of the every serious questions raised in our recent reports about the site.
You can hear the Carolla radio segment here, under the “Too Hot for Radio” link.
Our transcript follows, with footnotes:
ADAM CAROLLA: Teresa was a little dejected this morning due to an Internet blogger making nasty comments about her this week, but we all know she’s the hottest thing in radio and now that she’s on TMZ, the hottest on TV for that matter.
TERESA STRASSER: Maybe I had to put in a little extra effort because I had a rough day yesterday. I was just telling Brian, there’s this, um, media blogger, for some reason he just hates me (1), and um he never writes about the contents of anything I do or my writing, he just writes about how ugly I am (2)?
(Recorded gag effect: “What is it with this Jew?”)
AC: This is a media blogger. What is a “media blogger,” exactly?
TS: This guy has a site. I don’t want to say the name of it. (3)
AC: All right.
TS: But he writes about media. He covers— that’s his beat. He writes about our show here, the Adam Carolla Show, and he writes about TMZ. (4)
AC: Does he cover it from his mom’s basement—
TS: “Heee– Yes–
AC: Or is it a real gig?
TS:Yes. He’s written a book in the past and I think he used to work on Hard Copy. But he can’t work in television any more. (5)
(Recorded gag soundbite: “I’m explosive!”)
TS (cont’d): And he, uh, I never look at those things, cause as you know I can’t handle it? But yesterday I was at TMZ and I was like, ‘Aaah, I’m kinda bored, let me just—let me just google myself’ and I got about eight pages in and there was nothing but great– people just writing the most kindhearted things, (6) and I just kept looking until I got to the thing—and this guy was so cruel, and it was just basically about how I’m hideous, and uh, and he said that I’m gonna be replaced on TMZ because, um I’m like Rachel Dratch on 30 Rock and I’m too ugly for television and they’re gonna have to replace me with Jane Krakowski. And he was like that bent nosed, pancake makeup– uhh!!
AC: …Rachel Dratch, too ugly to do comedy?
TS: That’s what he said. (7) And by the way, I mean–
AC: That’s like being too ugly to detail cars…
TS: Well I got really, you know, in my mind– had a conversation with this guy in my mind for about four hours, where I thought like, what do you want me to be a Barbie doll? I do the news and um, you know he’s– I don’t think he’s ever googled me or has any idea that I, um, you know, have had a career in journalism. (8) I’m not trying to be a Maxim model.
AC: Yeah, I—I—I– I totally concur…
TS:Oh, it said one of the reasons I was ugly was because you are wearing me out. It said "after months of Adam Carolla, she’s worse for wear." (9)
At this point, co-host Danny Bonaduce goes into a funny riff on comments on the TMZ website about his own appearance.
TS: I– I try. I try to put – I, I try to put it out of my mind because I thought this is just one guy and I’ve, I’ve been really lucky I’ve had nothing but mostly nice things written about me. But I woke up this morning and the first thing, about three seconds into consciousness, I just thought. “I’m so ugly, I’m too ugly for television.” I started crying. I had to wake up Batman. I’m like, “Batman, am I ugly?! Do I look like Rachel Dratch? I’m too ugly!”
AC: Well, okay, cup– couple of things.
TC: I can’t move on and I can’t let go.
AC: I understand…
TS: Can’t let go.
AC: People– People are, people are cruel. People are cruel. Um–
TS: Ouch! Ouch!
AC: Now the Internet has become what used to be the car window at sixty miles an hour…
TS: Yeah, like, “Hey, fat ass!”
At this point, Carolla launches into a braying, droning three minute and 32 second “rant” about the Internet, automobiles, Suge Knight, writing emails and the appearance of TV commentators and comedians, before taking a phone call from a listener who tells Teresa, “You’re much too pretty for radio” and suggests that the media blogger must “be on crack.”
AC: First thing I hate is the inaccuracy…
Carolla now launches into a braying, droning one minute and 22 second rant about reviews of The Man Show before Bonaduce gets a word in edgewise.
TS: Well, it was weird, when I first started working here at the Adam Carolla Show, this same site wrote a very lengthy piece, all of which was inaccurate, And I was shocked that he never fact checked– it wasn’t mean to me so it didn’t hurt but he wrote, his thesis was– and he, and he wrote it as fact, he said “CBS radio got together and all the suits got together’ and I think the headline was “Girl saves drowning show.” And it said they needed a liberal to save the show (10)and it was this whole cra—I’m– first of all—I, I’m not that liberal, I’m fiscally conservative, I’m, I don’t believe in affirmative action, I don’t support a lot of welfare programs– I’m not that liberal! And secondly—
DB: Not a huge fan of comedy—
TS: And secondly, there was, there was a hu—there was never a huge meeting with any suits in New York, I never met anyone in New York and to be honest I got this job basically because you Adam flipped a coin between me and some girl with better boobs.
TS: I mean was there ever a powwow about hiring a liberal?
TS: And this was completely, completely fabricated.(11)
AC: Yeah, yeah. That’s how it works.
At this point, Bonaduce speaks about Carolla’s cult of admiring fans.
Carolla launches into a braying, droning one minute and 26 second about laughing at his own farts and other people’s farts before Bonaduce gets another word in.
The segment ends with Carolla and Bonaduce assuring Teresa Strasser that she isn’t ugly. Carolla goes into a braying, droning two minute and 13 second rant about the “cut off point” of ugliness.
(1) We don’t hate Teresa. We, in fact, have watched out for her and called attention to the disrespect shown her on the Carolla show. And Tabloid Baby is not a "media blogger." We’re a news team comprised of experienced, respected news and tabloid pros who share our knowledge and wisdom for free.
(2) That is demonstrably untrue. We have written about Teresa’s credentials and work from the beginning.
(3) Next time, say the name. Tabloid. Baby. Dot. Com. At least John & Ken were honest enough to do that.
(5) False. The journalists and producers who are part of the Tabloid Baby team, from its editor to its contributing reporters in far-reaching parts of the globe, are all influential and employed. As a currently-employed TV talent, Teresa should know better than to spread that kind of factoid.
(7) We never said that Rachel Dratch is to ugly to be on television. We merely reported that she was replaced on NBC’s 30 Rock for that reason.
(8) Our first story on Teresa did in fact infer that we had “googled” her: “A check of the net shows Strasser to be a part of the Carolla-Jimmy Kimmel ‘family’ already– an actress and TV host who worked as a writer on Win Ben Stein’s Money, the game show that featured Kimmel in a supporting role. She’s got a website that shows her to feel pretty good about herself, but that’s bound to change as Carolla will systematically grind her into powder on the air, trampling on any jokes she might throw out, and trumping her witty asides with his long-winded, monotonous stream-of-consciousness ‘comedy’ monologues.” In fact, most all of our mentions of Teresa cite her past, and as a result, bemoan her future.
(9) Actual line: "A dour Teresa Strasser, looking the worse for wear after months of battering by the execrable Adam Carolla on morning radio, literally got about three seconds of airtime near the end.”
(10) Inaccurate. False and strangely wrong. Our item, “Radio After Stern: Drowning Carolla grabs a woman” made no mention of CBS, CBS suits in New York or Teresa’s political leanings. It mentions Carolla’s (hanging up on) Ann Coulter stunt as a potential way to boost his own liberal credentials. But Teresa’s politics have not been mentioned on the site, ever.
(11) There was never a mention of powwows, executives, or “hiring a liberal” in the post. It appears some other suits led you into a trap, Teresa. Whose copy were you reading there?
* I’m a longtime Theresa Strasser fan. I think she’s hot and I think her writing rocks.
* I can’t get enthusiastic about coming to Theresa’s defense here because the shows that she gets ripped on by Tabloid Baby (Adam Carolla and TMZ) themselves specialize in cheap shots and personal attacks. Also, Theresa’s writing is so personal, snappy and in your face, it leaves her wide open to similar attacks.
* Teresa says she cried about Tabloid Baby calling her ugly and saying she has a crooked nose and other such low blows. It’s ridiculous to argue that she was carrying water for anybody when she was just crying from her heart. There was no hit from her on Tabloid Baby. There was no personal attack on its primary author Burt Kearns.
* It’s not fair or accurate to say that Theresa’s radio personality is based on whining about her "unlucky at love status." For the past four months, Theresa has been kvelling about her new relationship. AdamCarolla.com features video of a fake wedding for Theresa. In it Theresa says, "It would be an unusal day if I didn’t cry."
* It’s not fair or accurate to describe Theresa’s role on Adam’s show as "a sexual punching bag for Carolla and crew." She reads the news and she mixes it up.
* Contrary to point six by TB, this is no unkind mention of Strasser — “Someone is doing Teresa Strasser doggie style.”
* Theresa is clearly reading nobody’s copy. That’s preposterous. There are no scripted speeches on the Adam Carolla show.
Apparently, Teresa reacted in some way to our musings on the debut of the television version of the corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, on which she plays one of the supporting plug-uglies to "main on-air personality" Harvey Levin— and not our advice and reactions to the execrable carolla radio show in which she plays the femme punching bag, referred to by the nasal host as a "Jewess," and forced to giggle at crude comments about her "V" and sex life.
Teresa, whom we salute as an actual writer, has unfortunately become wedged in the Carolla-Kimmel sexist lunkhead factory (as a print columnist, she also falls into the tired Fifties-stereotype as the hapless serial dater) as the prim counterpoint to Kimmel’s gal Sarah Silverman (We watched nutty Sarah’s ooh-how-shocking show last night and have to ask again: Is her head too small for her body or what?) and has seen her reputation erode further from her halcyon makeover-show hosting days with bad lighting and pancake makeup on the TMZ TV show.
* It’s a low blow to keep taking these shots at the looks of women. For my money, Teresa and Sarah Silverman are smoking hot.
Harvey, with this Roy Cohn-meets-Barry Diller countenance, popped up throughout the first episode, but his putative co-hosts, all bent noses and too much pancake makeup, were hard to find. A dour Teresa Strasser, looking the worse for wear after months of battering by the execrable Adam Carolla on morning radio, literally got about three seconds of airtime near the end.
Harvey Levin has managed to insert himself into the on-air mix as "Main on-air personality." He’s done a clever job by picking younger co-stars who are as plug-ugly as himself– and with "newsy" backgrounds that distance the TV show from the sleazy corporate porn-pushing gossip site it will elevate.
But Ben Mankiewicz, Teresa Strasser and Katie Daryl, seen above, (along with "TMZ.com staffer" Michael Hundgen, whose work can be seen here) could also be trouble– and not only because they’re more suited to radio or cable than syndicated television. Harvey and the TMZ TV minds seem to be equating plain and non-flashy appearances with real tabloid authority…
… Teresa’s an Adam Carolla strawlady with smartypants showbiz pretension…
…Teresa is one of the girls from the Jimmy Kimmel camp, inserted into the execrable Carolla radio show as the sexless "Jewish" (their word) newsreader who’s rebelled by generating sparks with cohost and show stealer Danny Bonaduce. She soaks in the lunkhead lowbrow humour that TMZ and Carolla’s show share, but fancies herself a wit.
* Teresa has no connection to Jimmy Kimmel.
A check of the net shows Strasser to be a part of the Carolla-Jimmy Kimmel "family" already– an actress and TV host who worked as a writer on Win Ben Stein’s Money , the game show that featured Kimmel in a supporting role. She’s got a website that shows her to feel pretty good about herself, but that’s bound to change as Carolla will systematically grind her into powder on the air, trampling on any jokes she might throw out, and trumping her witty asides with his long-winded, monotonous stream-of-consciousness “comedy” monologues.
Strasser ‘s no sex kitten. Physically, she’s cut from the Sara Silverman mold and seems to consider herself a smartypants. It’ll be interesting to see what kind of sexy shots the Carolla team digs up for their site.
We’ve no real problems with Teresa. We think she was typecast for TMZ TV because she fits the ethnic/brunette/not too pretty mold so the egomad managing editor/executive producer Harvey Levin– who made himself the host– would not look old, waxy, Dillerish in comparison… We don’t enjoy Carolla’s brand of fratboy anti-immigrant, woman-hating radio humour — the type of humour that emanates from nerdy sports fan (not sports player) losers who hate beautiful women and blame the downtrodden for their own lost chances. Howard Stern played it masterfully when he was alive. Kimmel and Carolla are lunkhead buffoons and Teri S plays into their game.
But bottom line, she did not have to lie about Tabloid Baby. It was obvious she was firing a volley on behalf of TMZ after my report the previous day.