Just before 7 p.m. Monday, I started walking down a street to get to shul.
I had my tzitzit out and my kipa on.
It was hot and I was sweaty and disgusting.
From 100 yards away, I spotted naked female flesh.
A woman in her twenties sat on the grass smoking a cigarette. She had a drink beside her. She wore shorts and a t-shirt.
My eyes lasered in on her.
So why is this news?
Well, unlike most women I perv on, this one stared right back at me.
I held her gaze for about 20 yards but felt myself flushing.
As I neared to within 30 yards of her, I looked away.
When I glanced back at her, she was still checking me out.
I looked away again.
I found it hard to walk. I kept feeling like I was about to stumble and fall. It took great effort to keep one foot moving in front of the other. I felt myself hunching over.
Nothing like bad posture to snag a chick.
When I closed to within a few feet of her, I looked at her again. She was looking away.
As I walked past her and as our eyes were about to meet, I looked away.
I felt like a right chump.
Normally I’d be bolder but I’ve had nothing but failure with women (and with life) the past few weeks.
I need to change the engine in my van. It’s gonna cost $2300. I’ve spent about $4500 on my 1982 van over the past year. I’m too deeply invested in it to walk away. Too many people told me to chuck it years ago.
How can I face a woman when I can’t even face my Mexican mechanic?
Tuesday evening. I took the same route to shul.
She was sitting on the grass with cigarette in hand and a drink beside her.
I’ve been told that women who smoke are more sexually loose.
This time she wore jeans.
"You’re a regular," I said.
"I need this time to relax," she said.
"See you tomorrow," I said.
Wednesday evening, I walked by her again. She was about to dial on her cell phone.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
She asked me a question in response but I had my headphones in listening to Howard Kurtz’s book on financial news reporters.
I said "Good to see you" and walked on.
A wild furious joy beat in my heart.
At shul, I paid little attention to the liturgical prayers and maximum attention to the prayer in my heart: "Dear God, if you will just give me this woman, I’ll promise to do everything else You said."
Dear readers, please add your own prayers on my behalf.
Normally when I get to this point in a relationship I start writing about the woman on my blog and it queers everything.
I guess I don’t really need a woman. I’ve got a blog.
And my mommy.
Thursday, when I walked by at 6:20 p.m., she was not there.
