In his third lecture for Torah in Motion on the R. Eliezer Berkovitz, professor Marc B. Shapiro says in 2010: “One of you wants to know if I have read the new biography of Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv.
“This is an interesting and unusual book. The ethos in the haredi world is different from what we think is normal.
“I’m going to read you some things here that are stated as praise and things to be admired. I’m certain that everyone listening, no matter what community you are from, will be shocked. I don’t know anyone who’s read this book and his opinion of Rav Elyashiv has been raised.
“His reputation for 60 years has been as a stern person, a dour person. There’s one picture of him with a smile, as opposed to Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, who’s all smiles. Rav Elyashiv is not a people person. The book says he’s very shy.
“You don’t come away from this book thinking of him as a tzaddik (righteous man). This book is clear that he doesn’t do chesed (kindness). His whole life is spent in learning and the only chesed he can do is to take shylas (questions).
“I see the Rav Elyashiv’s behavior as completely dysfunctional. He has no relationship with his children.
“From pg. 62, his daughter says our father could not distinguish us by our names. He couldn’t identify us. He didn’t have any time to play with his children. Only motzi Shabbos he’d go for a walk. That was the only time during the week that he’d talk to the children.
“He never once had simple conversations with his children or with his wife. If you look at biographies of Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, it’s the reverse. He loved to converse. He made people feel special.
“If something was needed, Rav Elyashiv would say what to do. He never went anywhere with his wife. He’d speak to his sons sometimes to see what they were learning but he would not speak to his daughters.
“His daughters say, you don’t talk to your father. Do not disturb him.
“All he does is learn.”
“When the children come to visit, they visit the mother. They have no relationship with the father.”
“He was able to overcome all emotion. When his daughter dies, he puts down the volume of choshen mishpat (business laws) and picks up a volume on the laws of mourning.
“There’s a story of him getting angry with someone because the driver was late and a minute was wasted.”
“This book is advertised as hagiography. They could never translate this because even American haredim would be shocked.”
“You can’t say this comes from learning. It comes from a personality that is uncomfortable around people.”
“If anyone is interested in reading a strange gadolim book, this is the one.”
“I’m not sure this is so similar to the Vilna Gaon as to the stories Rav Soloveitchik tells about his grandfather (not Rav Chaim).”
“How can you say a father not having a relationship with his children is a Torah value? I don’t think this leads people to admiration. This book does a terrible disservice to his reputation.”
“Some members of Rav Elyashiv’s family protested the book and other members of the family think this is just fine.”
“Rav Ovadiah Yosef is a people person. The real biography needs to be written of how Rav Elyashiv, who isn’t a people person, was able to assume this position of authority.”
“Rav Shach was also a people person.”
“I can’t think of any other gadolim who wanted no human relationships.”
“Tzvi Weinman made Rav Elyashiv famous. Tzvi Weinman was involved in terrible cases of divorce. Rav Elyashiv tells him, ‘Anything that doesn’t effect you personally, don’t let if affect you. Act like me. These things are meaningless.’ Rav Elyashiv is saying you shouldn’t have any emotional connection.
“There are some psakim (rabbinic rulings) where you see this. There’s one in particularly that I won’t make public. R. David Bleich says he also won’t make this public because it will bring disrepute on Judaism. It’s about how to treat people with AIDS.”
Marc B. Shapiro emails me: “It is also the case that Israelis approach these matters differently than American haredim. What Israeli haredim often admire, is a turn-off for the typical American haredi. I have a collection of stories of haredi gedolim that appear in Israeli books but would never appear in English translation simply because it would be distressing for American haredim to see what these gedolim did and thought.”
