Deadspin: ‘I Can’t Decide What To Get David Brooks For His Wedding’

Albert Burneko writes:

I mean obviously the first and most important point is: Mazel tov! After a few years of harrowing personal crisis for America’s Foremost Moral Decay Diagnostician, our boy David Brooks has at last found love, and gotten married (to his 23-years-younger former research assistant)!

Yes, things are looking up for ol’ Dave. No longer must he stalk the dim corridors of an empty home, toga’d in soiled linens but shrouded, metaphorically, in despair, declaiming about the death of civic virtue with an ice-cream sandwich hanging out of his mouth. Now he can do marital congress in the sight of God! Now, all is right with the world!

…Yes, how nice it is to have a secure place to store your peener, and to be the kind of millionaire boomer quasi-academic who can, in the opinion pages of the New York Times, read all the human condition into the dust patterns on your hog. Corporate prosperity is secure; ethnonationalist abusiveness is not a problem for the people who matter. David Brooks can spoon in the good graces of nonspecific Western moral tradition; turns out, the republic is safe after all.

Anyway, here is a link to the happy couple’s wedding registry.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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