{"id":97434,"date":"2016-05-27T08:36:52","date_gmt":"2016-05-27T16:36:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=97434"},"modified":"2016-05-27T13:41:56","modified_gmt":"2016-05-27T21:41:56","slug":"i-turn-50-may-28","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=97434","title":{"rendered":"I Turn 50 May 28"},"content":{"rendered":"

I got my first AARP card in the mail about a month ago.<\/p>\n

I’m at that awkward stage of life where I don’t like to go to Jewish functions without buying a table, but I don’t like to buy tables. <\/p>\n

Friend: “Remember, beginning tomorrow, if anyone asks, you are divorced. And the old lady took you to the cleaners. She got the home in Westwood, the Beamer, the Rabenu Tam teffilin, everything. Fucking court even made you pay for her gender reassignment surgery (hence the teffilin).”<\/p>\n

“Your second wife was a porn star you refuse to mention. The sex was insane but so was she. She ran off with a shvartze.”<\/p>\n

\"21251_10151654512526255_1340140987_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

* People toss around hurtful terms like “sex offender.” I prefer “Lover without limits.”<\/p>\n

Chaim Amalek: “Remember, society used to hound grown men who used the same public rest rooms as young girls. And today, such men are the social cause of the year for the smart set at The New York Times.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I got my first AARP card in the mail about a month ago. I’m at that awkward stage of life where I don’t like to go to Jewish functions without buying a table, but I don’t like to buy tables. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-97434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t