{"id":92158,"date":"2016-03-31T18:36:15","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T02:36:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=92158"},"modified":"2016-03-31T18:36:15","modified_gmt":"2016-04-01T02:36:15","slug":"the-cisgender-genie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=92158","title":{"rendered":"The Cisgender Genie"},"content":{"rendered":"

From the Chateau<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Three cultural adventurers \u2014 an antiracist, a feminist, and a shitlord \u2014 stumble upon a treasure trove. In the loot, they discover a magic dildo. The antiracist picks up the dildo with a great effort, his wrist flopping against the weight of the object, and rubs it. A genie ejaculates.<\/p>\n

\u201cI AM THE GREAT CISGENDER GENIE. I will grant you three wishes, but on one condition: the wishes will only benefit your next-born child.\u201d<\/p>\n

All three adventurers look at each other in amazement; the shitlord with his strong high T jaw and cliffside brow carving the air in front of him; the antiracist with his doughy face and watery eyes soaked in estrogen; the scowling feminist with her blue femmestache and \u201cSyphilis Sisterhood\u201d fupa tattoo.<\/p>\n

The manlet antiracist, already struggling to maintain his grip on the tumescent didlo, goes first.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish for a beautiful black daughter! That will show the world how committed I am to ending White hegemony.\u201d<\/p>\n

The genie booms, \u201cYour wish is granted! Go home, and you will find your wife in bed with a 12-inch buck.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many years later, the antiracist would have his head caved in by his half-black daughter\u2019s fully grown 9 year old black boyfriend. He will die with a smug grin on his battered face.<\/p>\n

The feminist, creaming herself with the patriarchy-smashing possibilities, grabs the magic dildo (effortlessly, as if she had spent a lifetime handling such objects) and makes her wish.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish for a smart daughter! Her smarts will lead her to the top in corporate law, and sufficiently privilege-checked male feminists will beg for her love.\u201d<\/p>\n

The genie announces, \u201cYour wish is granted! In nine months, you will birth a 150 IQ daughter with the assistance of a noted Massachusetts sperm bank.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many years later, the feminist\u2019s smart daughter, 32 years old, a lawyer, and clocking in at 250 pounds with a face that could cleave ice sheets, empties the bottle of pills into her mouth, tears streaming down as she remembers the boy from law school she loved who mistook her for a man and told her he \u201cdoesn\u2019t swing that way\u201d.<\/p>\n

Finally, the genie turns to the shitlord.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe YOU will choose wisely?\u201d<\/p>\n

The shitlord ponders, (stoically, not theatrically, as is the wont of effeminate males). He thinks this is a mischievous genie, who will grant his wish with a baleful clause attached.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish to make America great again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGranted!\u201d<\/p>\n

Many years later, revolution shakes the country to the core. President Trumputin imposes an immigration moratorium. Unfair trade agreements are torn up, deportation cars haul illegal aliens back home by the millions, colleges have stopped offering black and women\u2019s studies, gay marriage is repealed, SJWs and feminists are laughed out of public discourse, heteronormativity is the norm, the Middle East is abandoned to its petty inbred warlords, and America is great again. The nation is so great, in fact, that the shitlord has many sons and daughters, and all of them can buy affordable homes in high-trust White neighborhoods with good schools, and bless him with a small army of grandchildren.<\/p>\n

Now an old man, the shitlord is visited by the genie one more time.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you not ask for a beautiful daughter or a smart son? Your wish unleashed chaos for millions of Americans, and guaranteed you nothing in return.\u201d<\/p>\n

The shitlord smirks, knowingly (is there another kind?). \u201cA beautiful daughter may be dumb. A smart son may be nerdy. But a great America gives all her sons and daughters a better chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

The genie smiles and slowly vanishes, departing with a final promise to grant one more wish.<\/p>\n

Without hesitation, the shitlord says, \u201cI wish to make anime real.\u201d And like that he is compressed into a 2D cartoon and teleported into an alternate universe, large-chested wide-eyed Japanese girls giggling all around him, happy to have defied his mortality.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From the Chateau: Three cultural adventurers \u2014 an antiracist, a feminist, and a shitlord \u2014 stumble upon a treasure trove. In the loot, they discover a magic dildo. The antiracist picks up the dildo with a great effort, his wrist … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21791],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-92158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-america"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/92158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=92158"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/92158\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":92159,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/92158\/revisions\/92159"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=92158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=92158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=92158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}