Just before 7 p.m. Monday, I started walking down a street to get to shul.<\/p>\n
I had my tzitzit out and my kipa on.<\/p>\n
It was hot and I was sweaty and disgusting.<\/p>\n
From 100 yards away, I spotted naked female flesh.<\/p>\n
A woman in her twenties sat on the grass smoking a cigarette. She had a drink beside her. She wore shorts and a t-shirt.<\/p>\n
My eyes lasered in on her.<\/p>\n
So why is this news?<\/p>\n
Well, unlike most women I perv on, this one stared right back at me.<\/p>\n
I held her gaze for about 20 yards but felt myself flushing.<\/p>\n
As I neared to within 30 yards of her, I looked away.<\/p>\n
When I glanced back at her, she was still checking me out.<\/p>\n
I looked away again.<\/p>\n
I found it hard to walk. I kept feeling like I was about to stumble and fall. It took great effort to keep one foot moving in front of the other. I felt myself hunching over.<\/p>\n
Nothing like bad posture to snag a chick.<\/p>\n
When I closed to within a few feet of her, I looked at her again. She was looking away.<\/p>\n
As I walked past her and as our eyes were about to meet, I looked away.<\/p>\n
I felt like a right chump.<\/p>\n
Normally I’d be bolder but I’ve had nothing but failure with women (and with life) the past few weeks.<\/p>\n
I need to change the engine in my van. It’s gonna cost $2300. I’ve spent about $4500 on my 1982 van over the past year. I’m too deeply invested in it to walk away. Too many people told me to chuck it years ago.<\/p>\n
How can I face a woman when I can’t even face my Mexican mechanic?<\/p>\n
Tuesday evening. I took the same route to shul.<\/p>\n
She was sitting on the grass with cigarette in hand and a drink beside her.<\/p>\n
I’ve been told that women who smoke are more sexually loose.<\/p>\n
This time she wore jeans.<\/p>\n
"You’re a regular," I said.<\/p>\n
"I need this time to relax," she said.<\/p>\n
"See you tomorrow," I said.<\/p>\n
Wednesday evening, I walked by her again. She was about to dial on her cell phone.<\/p>\n
"How are you doing?" I asked.<\/p>\n
She asked me a question in response but I had my headphones in listening to Howard Kurtz’s book on financial news reporters.<\/p>\n
I said "Good to see you" and walked on.<\/p>\n
A wild furious joy beat in my heart.<\/p>\n
At shul, I paid little attention to the liturgical prayers and maximum attention to the prayer in my heart: "Dear God, if you will just give me this woman, I’ll promise to do everything else You said."<\/p>\n
Dear readers, please add your own prayers on my behalf.<\/p>\n
Normally when I get to this point in a relationship I start writing about the woman on my blog and it queers everything.<\/p>\n
I guess I don’t really need a woman. I’ve got a blog.<\/p>\n
And my mommy.<\/p>\n
Thursday, when I walked by at 6:20 p.m., she was not there.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Just before 7 p.m. Monday, I started walking down a street to get to shul. I had my tzitzit out and my kipa on. It was hot and I was sweaty and disgusting. From 100 yards away, I spotted naked … Continue reading