* Friend: best advice you ever gave me was when I kvetched about your pics of me were the first thing google pulled up….and you said, “do more work…” well, all the s***I write pushed even my mug shots off of it…”<\/p>\n
* Friend: I’m writing a book about your abstinence called, “None Off The Wrist”<\/p>\n
* I hate to generalize and stereotype, but certain accents immediately make me think a person is not so bright.<\/p>\n
* “I used to date latinos but now I prefer consensual.” (Amy Schumer) That’s racist! Not all latinos are rapists. For instance, my leafblower Jesus Jorge Ramirez does not seem like a rapist. He’s a low-energy guy.<\/p>\n
* Yeah, we’re FB friends, but would you help me bury a body?<\/p>\n
* What gangs do Jews side with in prison? I think the Nazi ones<\/a>, rather than the black or latino ones.<\/p>\n * The Mexican came by. * “Under the Golden Rose<\/a>, a [Jewish] theme restaurant \u30fc diners are given hats with peyes attached, nibble on matzoh, and are encouraged to haggle over food price.”<\/p>\n * Why not invite God to the party?<\/p>\n * A shiksa in distress was told by my friend Lewis Fein to call her local police station and ask for Detective Christy Love. She did it and got hung up on!<\/p>\n Lewis Fein: They didn’t hang up. I had her call four times, asking for, respectively, Christie Love, Detective Christie Love, Detective Christine Love, and finally, Detective Love.<\/p>\n * When I used to engage in the dark arts, the purity of my rabbi’s love for me would often come to my mind and spoil my fun.<\/p>\n * Praise God, I never suffer from writer’s block and rarely have an unexpressed thought or feeling these days.<\/p>\n * Either you quit praying or you quit masturbating. The two activities are not compatible. One cancels out the other.<\/p>\n * I know the limits of acceptable discussion and I am locate myself about five miles outside of them.<\/p>\n * Listening to NPR, it seems like every story is either told by a Jew, is about Jews, or quotes Jews. It’s good to be king.<\/p>\n Jim Romenesko tweets: “NPR says<\/a> 71% of its sources in 2014 were male; 77% were white; 8% black; 8% Asian; 5% Latino; and 2% other.”<\/p>\n What percentage of those whites are Jewish? It seems like a third.<\/p>\n \u201cI first listened to National Public Radio in 1977. I was young then but saw the network for what it was and continues to be \u2026 a conspiracy of Jews.\u201d – David Sedaris<\/p>\n * Do goyim ever long to run their own countries or is this work white people won’t do so it is best left to Jews, Mexicans, etc?<\/p>\n * If you don’t want to put your hand over your heart during the playing of the National Anthem<\/a>, if you don’t want to celebrate Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July as distinctive American holidays, please leave America.<\/p>\n * I ask my brother if he’s been on any exciting dates lately. * Friend: best advice you ever gave me was when I kvetched about your pics of me were the first thing google pulled up….and you said, “do more work…” well, all the s***I write pushed even my mug shots off … Continue reading
\nLuke: “Hey, can you fix the air conditioning?”
\nMexican: “I don’t know how. Call the building.”
\nLuke: “But you’re Mexican.”
\nMexican: “That’s racist.”
\nLuke: “Your dad taught you how to fix air conditioning before you headed off to the quincenera.”
\nMexican: “My mom is Mexican. My dad is Italian.”<\/p>\n
\nBro: “I just bought a used forklift.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"