How do you react when people start backing away? I tend to freak out. Even if I make no outward sign of being traumatized, my thinking becomes obsessed with solely the looming abandonment. My work and writing suffer. I can’t sleep. Each new loss is like directing a fan on a desk of my loose papers, arousing all my past fears of abandonment (Stephan Poulter).<\/p>\n
I grew up repeatedly abandoned by my parental figures, so I tend to fall in love with women who abandon me. My deepest most passionate loves and heartbreaks have been for women who cheated on me.<\/p>\n
You can’t just cut fear of abandonment out of your system. It’s more like diabetes. You have to manage it. Set boundaries. Get therapy. Understand your part in staying healthy. If you don’t, your abandonment issues will take you to bad places. There’s no solution.<\/p>\n
I don’t sense that most people are ready to make meaningful change until they’re at least 40. Earlier than that, they think they can get better on their own without making painful change.<\/p>\n
There are no victims in marriage and affairs (short of criminal acts). These are opportunities to work on yourself.<\/p>\n
People with abandonment issues bond deeply with their partners. They’re willing to go through more hell than most people, but when it ends, for both people it’s like ripping the heart out. Two primitive people joined at the hip, you have to take a chainsaw and cut them apart. (Mark Smith)<\/p>\n
If you’ve got fear of abandonment, your inner GPS system is faulty and it will send you to bad places. I tend to freak out when those I love back away, and either I make crazy demands (rare) or run away for insufficient reason and against my own best interest. In love and relationships, you’re going to seek out your worst nightmare. (Mark Smith)<\/p>\n