I listen to this song over and over and memorize the lyrics and march out into the world singing “Go West” and then when things don’t work out, when I don’t get the exact foods I was hoping for, no guacamole, I crash and depress and don’t feel like talking to anyone.<\/p>\n
The other day, I left my house feeling grand after four listens of the above song. I walked to shul singing: <\/p>\n
(I love you) I know you love me
\n(I want you) How could I disagree?
\n(So that’s why) I make no protest
\n(When you say) You will do the rest<\/p>\n
(Go West) Life is peaceful there
\n(Go West) In the open air
\n(Go West) Baby you and me
\n(Go West) This is our destiny (Aah)<\/p>\n
I have this vision of my talking to my 12-step group and then climaxing my presentation by chanting this song. I imagine I’m talking to a shul and I climax my lecture by singing this song. And then I see us marching around the room arm in arm. It’s magnificent!<\/p>\n
I march into shul feeling grand. I’m ready to love and teach. After davening, I’m so excited about dinner. And then there are none of my favorite dishes — no guacamole, no humus, no Israeli salad, not enough egg salad, no potato salad. And the salad they do have? It’s covered with fish. I’m vegetarian. <\/p>\n
My mood crashes and though I’m surrounded by people, I don’t feel like talking to anyone. How did I go from feeling sky-high to low low? <\/p>\n
I keep telling myself, “I’m not directing my life anymore. I made a mess of things. I’m turning it all over to God.”<\/p>\n
I hate to make accommodations for other people’s feelings. I feel determined to say my piece. I will not compromise. And I wonder why I feel like a pariah everywhere I go? My desire to offend is often stronger than my desire to fit in, and it seems to take just a few offensive remarks, sometimes just one, and you’re written off and left alone on the ice flow.<\/p>\n
I’m not directing my life anymore. I made a mess of things. I’m turning it all over to God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I listen to this song over and over and memorize the lyrics and march out into the world singing “Go West” and then when things don’t work out, when I don’t get the exact foods I was hoping for, no … Continue reading