{"id":44798,"date":"2012-07-05T13:08:35","date_gmt":"2012-07-05T21:08:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=44798"},"modified":"2013-01-24T23:15:46","modified_gmt":"2013-01-25T07:15:46","slug":"step-two-of-the-twelve-steps","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=44798","title":{"rendered":"Step Two Of The Twelve Steps"},"content":{"rendered":"

I accept that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.<\/em><\/p>\n

Step One<\/a> Step Three<\/a> Step Four<\/a><\/p>\n

When I was an atheist (from age 18-22), I had bosses in landscaping who were pentacostals. They thought I acted like a good Christian and couldn’t understand my atheism. <\/p>\n

“I want to do what I want to do,” I told them. “I don’t want to subordinate myself to God.”<\/p>\n

I’ve always been in rebellion against being told what to do. Only since I realized at age 22 that my own inclinations would destroy me have I been able to accept the dictates of organized religion. Only when I had no other choice. <\/p>\n

God is the only ends you can pursue without limiting yourself, without worshiping an idol. <\/p>\n

I notice that the religious people around me, Jewish and goyish, don’t have the problems that I do (most of which spring from my selfish desire to do what I want, screw everyone else). <\/p>\n

I see this in movies and TV. When characters don’t have over-arching purpose, they’re highly likely to destroy themselves by pursuing their own desires. <\/p>\n

I can look to people around to see what a God-centered life can achieve.<\/p>\n

Much of who I am and what I do has been shaped by my addictions and most of the time, I did not even know it.<\/p>\n

I need to keep returning to authentic human connection, the kind I had at Stephen S. Wise temple and Aish HaTorah. <\/p>\n

Psycho-therapy is helping me with connection. I see how I’ve been needlessly cutting people out of my life because I don’t like to negotiate relationships, I don’t like to reveal my emotions, I don’t like to talk things out. <\/p>\n

So much of my life has been working at cross-purposes. The porn vs the Torah. Now everything is working together. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I accept that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. Step One Step Three Step Four When I was an atheist (from age 18-22), I had bosses in landscaping who were pentacostals. They thought I acted like … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26369,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-44798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-addiction","category-personal"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t