{"id":42081,"date":"2012-03-21T08:59:47","date_gmt":"2012-03-21T16:59:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=42081"},"modified":"2012-03-21T09:01:40","modified_gmt":"2012-03-21T17:01:40","slug":"marvin-the-orthodox-menace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=42081","title":{"rendered":"Marvin The Orthodox Menace"},"content":{"rendered":"

My friend Cathy Seipp<\/a> died five years ago today.<\/p>\n

Cathy’s daughter Maia Lazar writes<\/a>: Marvin could not concentrate on the Rashi script. The cantor was not good that day, and the lighting was very dim. Plus, the woman next to him through the lattice could not stop singing. Marvin did not like that. Marvin had a good day as long as women did not sing, he did not have to drive through Hispanic neighborhoods, and no bums protested against Bush.<\/p>\n

…His life goals, jokingly, are to marry a virgin, and father a dozen children. So far, he has not succeeded. Firstly, he is not that observant as most Orthodox Jews are, and secondly, he is reaching forty, and few women younger than 25 are willing to elope with a man that old. In the last year, he has dated two women: a secular masseuse, and a fifty-year-old broad. Neither qualifies.
\nAfter each person had exited the synagogue, Marvin found himself alone with the director of the place. \u201cWe need to talk,\u201d the scruffy rabbi murmured.
\nMarvin knew what he meant. \u201cI apologize deeply for lying, and not telling you what happened\u2026\u201d he began to reply.
\n\u201cYou have proved yourself disloyal by doing your business in that field.\u201d The rabbi elaborated, disgusted.
\n\u201cYou have every right to be angered but please allow me to explain.\u201d
\n\u201cExplain what? Until you\u2019re a person of dignity and understanding, you are not welcome here any further, do you understand?!\u201d
\nMarvin understood, but he had an appointment at Heebster Lounge that afternoon. He had the juiciest assignment in the \u201cindustry.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My friend Cathy Seipp died five years ago today. Cathy’s daughter Maia Lazar writes: Marvin could not concentrate on the Rashi script. The cantor was not good that day, and the lighting was very dim. Plus, the woman next to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,9989,18,21],"tags":[22725,29190,29191,29192,1085,29189],"class_list":["post-42081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cathyseipp","category-maia-lazar","category-orthodoxy","category-personal","tag-bums","tag-hispanic-neighborhoods","tag-life-goals","tag-masseuse","tag-orthodox-jews","tag-rashi-script"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t