{"id":41053,"date":"2012-02-26T20:00:57","date_gmt":"2012-02-27T04:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=41053"},"modified":"2012-02-27T00:26:02","modified_gmt":"2012-02-27T08:26:02","slug":"i-did-not-watch-the-artist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=41053","title":{"rendered":"I Did Not Watch ‘The Artist’"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m not into silent films and I’m not into black and white films. So when The Artist<\/a><\/em> came along, a black and white silent film, I gave it the big skip.<\/p>\n

I also skipped the movies about how wondrous it is to cross-dress (Albert Nobbs<\/a>) and how exciting it is to be gay (Beginners<\/a>).<\/p>\n

I like color and excitement and dialogue. If I wanted a silent film, I’d watch some old Charlie Chaplin. If I wanted to be gay, I’d just do it.<\/p>\n

I have no interest in watching the Oscars. I’m a straight male. The only time I did that sort of nonsense was years ago when a hot girl invited me. <\/p>\n

A few days before, I’d tried to make out with her in a synagogue parking lot. Then at the party, I tried to get her into the closet for a grope. <\/p>\n

I completely struck out, which was just as well for my soul.<\/p>\n

It turned out she was more into animal rescue than men. <\/p>\n

A friend of mine went out with her soon after and got her back to her place one evening. He came away from the experience without a kiss or a cuddle but with a massive number of fleas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m not into silent films and I’m not into black and white films. So when The Artist came along, a black and white silent film, I gave it the big skip. I also skipped the movies about how wondrous it … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[9926,29127,29129,29126,29128,29125],"class_list":["post-41053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hollywood","tag-charlie-chaplin","tag-massive-number","tag-silent-film","tag-silent-films","tag-straight-male","tag-white-films"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41053","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41053"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41053\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41061,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41053\/revisions\/41061"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41053"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=41053"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=41053"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}