{"id":38621,"date":"2011-12-05T13:53:14","date_gmt":"2011-12-05T21:53:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=38621"},"modified":"2011-12-05T13:53:14","modified_gmt":"2011-12-05T21:53:14","slug":"the-modern-orthodox-walk-of-shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=38621","title":{"rendered":"The Modern Orthodox Walk Of Shame"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><A HREF=\"http:\/\/yubeacon.com\/2011\/12\/the__written_word\/how-do-i-even-begin-to-explain-this\/\">From YUBeacon.com<\/a>:<\/p>\n<p>Adjusting the clasp on my Hadaya necklace, I finally take in my whole reflection in the bathroom mirror. My transformation from Occasionally-Cute-Modern-Orthodox-Girl into Sexually-Appealing-Secular-Woman: complete. I had managed to startle myself so much that I rush to cover myself in my peacoat. My hand won\u2019t stop twitching at my side while I sit impatiently on the bed. \u201cHow long does it take a person to walk?\u201d I think aloud.<br \/>\nA minute later there\u2019s a key turning the lock in the front door. Breathing deeply in an attempt to regain my composure, I stand up and open the door with a coy grin. He says \u201chey\u201d as he walks in with a bare head. After all of our secret rendezvouses, I\u2019m still not used to seeing him without his yarmulke on, but this time it\u2019s somewhat of a comfort.<br \/>\nMy partner in crime improvises with the room key as a bottle opener and we gorge ourselves on Stella Artois and cable television. In between swigs, I glance over at him; my cheeks are flushed and my head feels lighter with every drop. Making him think I\u2019m farther gone than I actually am helps me shut off my conscience when I kiss him hard on the mouth. That little pest of a conscience is screaming again when he starts taking off my dress, so I shut her up with a last gulp of beer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From YUBeacon.com: Adjusting the clasp on my Hadaya necklace, I finally take in my whole reflection in the bathroom mirror. My transformation from Occasionally-Cute-Modern-Orthodox-Girl into Sexually-Appealing-Secular-Woman: complete. I had managed to startle myself so much that I rush to cover &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=38621\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[214,18,28],"tags":[28328,28329,28330,28327,25855,30513],"class_list":["post-38621","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-modern-orthodox","category-orthodoxy","category-sex","tag-bathroom-mirror","tag-peacoat","tag-room-key","tag-stella-artois","tag-walk-of-shame","tag-yarmulke"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38621","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38621"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38621\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38621"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38621"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38621"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}