{"id":3477,"date":"2008-07-16T19:05:24","date_gmt":"2008-07-17T03:05:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=3477"},"modified":"2008-07-16T19:05:24","modified_gmt":"2008-07-17T03:05:24","slug":"i-want-to-help-orit-arfa-learn-to-become-vulnerable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=3477","title":{"rendered":"I Want To Help Orit Arfa Learn To Become Vulnerable"},"content":{"rendered":"

She writes in the Jewish Journal<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

What applies to acting also applies to dating. <\/p>\n

For instance, if I meet a really good-looking and charming guy at a party whom I want to impress, I go into acting mode. I ask myself: How should I behave? Should I walk up to him and say "Hi"? Should I stand there nonchalantly and wait for him to make the first move? <\/p>\n

When I e-mail him, I overthink the timing and wording of the letter. I become a playwright. Should I think of a creative subject line or keep it casual? Should I open it with "Hey" or "Hi"? And how should I sign it? With "Best regards"? With just my first initial? <\/p>\n

I know I’m really infatuated in a bad way when I actually think of implementing the advice of that lame book "The Rules," such as: "Don’t stare at men or talk too much" or "Don’t call him or rarely return his calls" or "Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday." <\/p>\n

Then, if we go out on a date, I try to be, or at least act, put together, cool, perfect. I don’t allow myself to become vulnerable. I don’t honestly share my likes and dislikes, my strengths and insecurities. I worry too much about what the guy wants to hear rather than what I truly want to say. In short, I’m not myself. I’m acting. <\/p>\n

Contrast this behavior with a guy I’d consider only as a friend. I can chat it up with him for hours and talk about whatever concerns me, without worrying about what he thinks of me. I write whatever I feel like in an e-mail without proofreading it 10 times. I complain about my day, my problems, my hopes, my dreams. Strangely, my guy "friends" are those who end up falling in love with me. <\/p>\n

I think it’s because when I’m myself with the opposite sex, I create real moments — the Oscar-worthy moments that light up a screen or a stage because the audience sees the real character — her pain, joy, uncertainty, triumph. I let go of the script and show what’s between the lines — and what’s inside my heart. <\/p>\n

So I’m learning to change my approach — not only in acting class, but in the real-life drama of my dating life. I think part of the challenge is finding the right "scene" partner — the supporting male who can bring out my true character, who doesn’t make me feel the need to read from a script or follow rules. <\/p>\n

Maybe by learning to be more natural and hence creating authentic moments not only stage, but also over coffee or dinner with the men I date, I’ll earn my real Oscar — a shining golden man to take home.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The reason that Orit’s guy friends fall in love with her isn’t because she’s natural but because she breathes. Any guy who doesn’t fall in love with Orit, that I don’t understand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

She writes in the Jewish Journal: What applies to acting also applies to dating. For instance, if I meet a really good-looking and charming guy at a party whom I want to impress, I go into acting mode. I ask … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[215],"tags":[10429,1018,623,29787,10430],"class_list":["post-3477","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-orit-arfa","tag-charming-guy","tag-e-mail","tag-first-move","tag-jewish-journal","tag-nonchalantly"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t