{"id":34647,"date":"2011-07-05T12:54:20","date_gmt":"2011-07-05T20:54:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=34647"},"modified":"2011-07-05T12:54:20","modified_gmt":"2011-07-05T20:54:20","slug":"do-open-relationships-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=34647","title":{"rendered":"Do Open Relationships Work?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach writes<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Indeed, the argument for open relationships goes back to the beginning of time, its most famous modern advocate being the celebrated British philosopher Bertrand Russell who wrote long letters to his wife about his consensual infidelities. But his open-mindedness could not surmount his jealousy when his own wife starting taking lovers. When Dora had a child by another man, he left her, later commenting, \u201cMy capacity for forgiveness, and what might be called Christian love, was not equal to the demands I was making on it . . . I was blinded by theory.\u201d Their daughter Kathleen Tait pithily remarked about her parents\u2019 strange marriage, \u201cCalling jealousy deplorable had not freed them from it . . . both found it hard to admit that the ideal had been destroyed by the old-fashioned evils of jealousy and infidelity.\u201d<\/p>\n

The great British writer Iris Murdoch was the same. Her husband John Bayley wrote a memoir of their 40-year marriage called Elegy for Iris. He explains that his wife would not allow her marriage to curtail her freedom or her need for adventure. She insisted by being allowed to have lovers and pursued other men intermittently. Still, she to be married because she desired the comfort, companionship, and sense of safety that marriage offered. Bayley was not happy with the arrangement but felt he had no right to object. \u201cIn the early days, I always thought it would be vulgar \u2013 as well as not my place \u2013 to give any indications of jealousy\u2026\u201d So he buried the terrible pain it caused him all in the name of relationship enlightenment.<\/p>\n

But convinced he has actually stumbled on something novel, Dan Savage, breaking new ground in The New York Times, adds more. He believes that we have crippled men by expecting them to be monogamous. \u201cThe mistake that straight people made was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitarian and fairsey.\u201d According to the New York Times Savage believes that \u201cthe feminist revolution, rather than extending to women \u201cthe same latitude and license and pressure-release valve that men had always enjoyed,\u201d we extended to men the confines women had always endured. \u201cAnd it\u2019s been a disaster for marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aha.<\/p>\n

In other words, the modern expectation for men to finally evolve from being indulgent boys and adolescents and become gentleman \u2013honoring their commitments and not breaking the hearts of the women who are devoted to them by cheating on them \u2013 has been a disaster for marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach writes: Indeed, the argument for open relationships goes back to the beginning of time, its most famous modern advocate being the celebrated British philosopher Bertrand Russell who wrote long letters to his wife about his consensual infidelities. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[619,111],"tags":[27034,27032,27033,27031,1183,27035],"class_list":["post-34647","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","category-shmuley-boteach","tag-breaking-new-ground","tag-british-philosopher-bertrand","tag-john-bayley","tag-philosopher-bertrand-russell","tag-rabbi-shmuley-boteach","tag-strange-marriage"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t