This is going to be my most painful blog post ever.<\/p>\n
I believe that the primary reason I’m not married is because of flaws in my character.<\/p>\n
* My lack of regard for others. I’m so intent on doing my own thing and on imposing my will on the world that I think too little about the feelings and welfare of others. I’m not married for this same reason that I was not invited to my classmate Gavin Brown’s birthday party in second grade and I was not invited to the Sabbath home of any of my classmates at Pacific Union College until a mother forced her son Andy to invite me midway through eighth grade.<\/p>\n
* My 12 years writing on the porn industry<\/a> combined with my conversion to Orthodox Judaism. Both choices severely restrict the pool of available wives.<\/p>\n * My Chronic Fatigue Syndrome<\/a>.<\/p>\n * My poverty (primarily a reflection of my lack of character rather than a reflection of circumstance). <\/p>\n * My tendencies to isolate myself from whatever community I join.<\/p>\n * My narcissism and my fantasies of grandiosity<\/a>. “I’d hate to see you lose your life in delusion,” said my therapist. My constant attention seeking. My need for mirroring. My history of exhausting people and pushing their boundaries. <\/p>\n * My fears of abandonment and of commitment. My inability to hold on to myself when in relationship with those I value aka my lack of differentiation. <\/p>\n * My low-grade chronic depression. <\/p>\n * My sex and love addictions. My overwhelming shame. The hole in my soul that I’ve tried to fill with excitement rather than intimacy, intensity rather than connection. It’s hard to stay on the Torah farm when you’ve seen Paris.<\/p>\n * My lack of emotional maturity<\/a>. <\/p>\n * My synagogue reviews<\/a>.<\/p>\n * My betrayals<\/a>.<\/p>\n Khunrum emails: “Do you really need 45 reasons to explain why you’re not married Luke? I’d say that “poverty” reason is enough, NO? I mean what kind of woman wants to get hitched to a broke guy living in a shoebox? But hey, when that Alexander cash comes rolling in things might change.”<\/p>\n Gavin Brown emails: <\/p>\n If you mean painful to read for its sheer banality, you’re right about that, mate! <\/p>\n Always the fair-dinkum whinger. Cry me a bloody river! <\/p>\n “Boo-hoo. I didn’t get invited to Gavin Brown’s birthday party.” I recall that you DID end up there \u2014 much to the dismay of all the children in attendance \u2014 thanks to Wayne Cherry’s mum pleading on your behalf to my mum. <\/p>\n And then a similar intercession occurred when you were in 8th grade. <\/p>\n You’re a boring, dishonest, useless little cunt, mate, and normal people don’t want you around. <\/p>\n The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know. Stop complaining that you suffered a lifelong hurt being snubbed at my party. Have you ever considered that I \u2014 and the other children \u2014 suffered even more because we had to countenance your presence? <\/p>\n You were a pathetic little creep then, and, apparently, you haven’t changed. <\/p>\n No wonder nobody wants you around. I’d suggest you go out and get a sheila, but they’re too smart for that. Who \u2014 except a therapist who’s paid to listen to your swill \u2014 wants to put up with your rot? <\/p>\n I throw quite the wing-ding every year on my birthday, mate. You’ll never see the likes of it … BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT INVITED!!!!! <\/p><\/blockquote>\n Greg Leake emails: <\/p>\n Hi Luke, All you have done is bypass the first couple of divorces. And had you participated in those divorces, you would still be as poverty-stricken as you may be now.<\/p>\n Had you been married earlier in life, her foibles and your foibles would have inevitably led to a breakup. Whereupon she would have taken you for most of what you had accumulated thus far. This would have caused you and probably some woman to connect on the rebound (you’re supposed to wait at least 3 years after a divorce before getting into a serious relationship). The rebound effect would have, of course, set up the billiards shot for the next divorce.<\/p>\n I know a number of guys who once were very successful and on top of their game. Married, kids, house in the suburbs. Well, after the missus finished with them, they lived in some garage apartment, essentially work to pay alimony and child support, and maybe own a couple of nice suits that are beginning to fray around the cuffs. Their lives look bleaker than yours.<\/p>\n So actually I think you should be patting yourself on the back, and breathing great sighs of relief, because where so many of your colleagues in La-La Land are living under the specter of being divested of all their assets, you’re still working hard at getting yourself emotionally put together so that when you do hook up with a suitable woman you may just have the requisite maturity between the two of you to make a nice go of it.<\/p>\n And by the way, if that is really your friend from Australia, and he still has such powerful feelings surrounding something from your teenage years, he has more problems than you do. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n Hank emails: <\/p>\n Luke:<\/p>\n I remember you from adult. In fact, I admired When you realized that you couldn’t juggle X You are a typical Gemini who lives in your I see you’ve come full circle. You’re now Stop making light entertainment out So Sincerely,<\/p>\n TheArtistFormerlyBlownAs This is going to be my most painful blog post ever. I believe that the primary reason I’m not married is because of flaws in my character. * My lack of regard for others. I’m so intent on doing my … Continue reading \n
\nyou know, my friend, there is another way to look at this.<\/p>\n\n
\nyou as a reporter. And you made the erotic
\nindustry exciting with all your exposes, your
\nhistorical research and your gossip. In effect,
\nyou became the Walter Winchell of X. Much
\nhas gone on since you left. The entire biz
\nhas been bootlegged by a monolithic cyber-
\nspace entity and everything is now a freebie.
\nX needed you. Why did you leave to become
\nan unhappy self loathing Jew? For shame.<\/p>\n
\nand religiosity, two diametrically opposed
\nworlds that make you a character unlike any
\nother in the land of fruits and nuts, you gave
\nit all up to adopt this phony self righteous
\npersona. Your readers don’t buy or click on
\nads. Your life is an ad. Sell it. Sell yourself. <\/p>\n
\nhead, is in love with words but can’t take
\naction to join the real world. And your self
\ndeprecating rants are either a put on or a
\nsubtle comedy act. You should have your
\nown reality show or a docudrama. But you
\nwon’t get it since you would make Jews look
\nbad and have to star as yourself in your
\nlife story—Fear And Loathing In Judaism. <\/p>\n
\nWoodie Allen in a beard and Orthodox
\nhabit. Wake up. Life is short. Blogs are
\nnot immortal. Love, family and offspring
\nare. Being a semi someone without any-
\none special is no excuse. I retired long
\nago. And without a dime to my name I
\nfound a rare good woman. It was like
\nhitting the love lottery. With nothing to
\ngive other than your heart, mind and
\nsoul—aka the only things that count.<\/p>\n
\nof your faults and do something about
\nthem. The literary therapy act is getting
\nway old. Find a lady who cares about
\nyou in the here and now, not your past
\nor future. It’s never too late. Trust me.
\nI been there. And it’s not fame, fortune
\nor faith that redeems us. IT IS LOVE! <\/p>\n
\nEast Porn Valley, CA
\nFalling Western Rome<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"