{"id":3292,"date":"2008-06-20T18:38:39","date_gmt":"2008-06-21T02:38:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=3292"},"modified":"2008-06-21T22:08:55","modified_gmt":"2008-06-22T06:08:55","slug":"id-given-up-on-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=3292","title":{"rendered":"I’d Given Up On Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"

Since going back to writing on —- in September of 2002 (because I needed the money), I’ve largely given up on myself.<\/p>\n

I just couldn’t see a way that I as an independent writer could earn an honest living.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I faced a choice between honor and doing my own thing and I chose my own thing with a feeling of absolute defeat.<\/p>\n

For most of the last six years, this website has been a giant —- you to you-know-who.<\/p>\n

I’m a 42-year old child in the way I depend on others to show me the way.<\/p>\n

Maybe I’m not dead and buried yet.<\/p>\n

Maybe I’m starting a new chapter in my life that doesn’t end with complete annihilation.<\/p>\n

Maybe…<\/p>\n

My life is not on track. I’m flailing… I’m not married. I’m not on track to be married. I’m not earning a living. I’m not in good standing in my religious community. I’m sick all the time. Blah blah…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Since going back to writing on —- in September of 2002 (because I needed the money), I’ve largely given up on myself. I just couldn’t see a way that I as an independent writer could earn an honest living. I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[9794,9793,9792,9795,3240],"class_list":["post-3292","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-annihilation","tag-doing-my-own-thing","tag-independent-writer","tag-new-chapter","tag-six-years"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t