{"id":3026,"date":"2008-05-21T18:55:38","date_gmt":"2008-05-22T02:55:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=3026"},"modified":"2008-05-21T20:09:34","modified_gmt":"2008-05-22T04:09:34","slug":"how-a-woman-takes-a-shower","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=3026","title":{"rendered":"How A Woman Takes A Shower"},"content":{"rendered":"

Click here<\/a> to join the fun.<\/p>\n

LeahKleim:  Im tempted to start a chat room. I need an accomplice though
\nYourMoralLeader:  This can be your chat room too
\nYourMoralLeader:  We have the same mission
\nYourMoralLeader:  tikkun olam
\nLeahKleim:  I know we do. i support your madness.
\nLeahKleim:  I dont do sports. i use to hang with the miami heat and he dolphins , other than that I knoe nada about sports
\nzappa:  How to Shower Like a Woman…. 
\nzappa:  Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
\nzappa:  If you see husband along the way cover up any exposed areas
\nLeahKleim:   we should write a book. My perspective as as someone who grew up ultra frum. Your perspective, someone coming in and having issues and obstacles. well have to use spell check on me though because i have an all star yeshiva education
\nYourMoralLeader:  sounds good
\nzappa:  Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make note to do more sit-ups\/leg-lifts, etc.
\nLeahKleim:  im serious !
\nzappa:  Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg,cloth. long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
\nLeahKleim:  I have a perfect body…almost. 36′ 26’36’
\nYourMoralLeader:  let me do some thinking, but it’s very tempting
\nzappa:  Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins
\nLeahKleim:  my hair is beautiful too
\nzappa:  Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean
\nzappa:  Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
\nLeahKleim:   i have been on pre-natal vitamins for 9 and a half yaers
\nzappa:  Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
\nYourMoralLeader:  how much time do you put into your appearance every day leah?
\nLeahKleim:  i condition it with avacado, mayonaise, and beer
\nzappa:  Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
\nLeahKleim:  about a whole 10 minutes
\nzappa:  Rinse conditioner off hair.
\nzappa:  Shave armpits and legs.
\nLeahKleim:  if i put more time in i would be truly irasitable and get raped
\nzappa:  Turn off shower.
\nLeahKleim:  i shave every day
\nYourMoralLeader:  Leah, thanks to your upbringing, you can’t fit in with the goyim and the non-frum yidden
\nzappa:  Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
\nLeahKleim:  i know
\nzappa:  Spray mold spots with Tilex.
\nLeahKleim:  the maid does that
\nzappa:  Get out of shower and stand on bathmat
\nLeahKleim:  Im a jewish princess, I dont clesn
\nSamoverRebbe:  Leah, let me cut to the chase: you divorce you shagetz of a husband and marry Luke
\nzappa:  Dry with towel the size of a small country.
\nLeahKleim:  Luke is to good for me
\nzappa:  Wrap hair in super absorbent towel
\nzappa:  Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
\nSamoverRebbe:  If it would make you feel better, he could cheat on you with other women
\nLeahKleim:  I dont dry myself with a towel. I drip dry. It moisterizes your skin.
\nSamoverRebbe:  I see you working hard to support him
\nzappa:  How to Shower Like a Man…
\nYourMoralLeader:  Are you capable of monogamy Leah?
\nLeahKleim:  get in shower, beat off
\nLeahKleim:  yes
\nzappa:  Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
\nLeahKleim:  throw them across the room
\nzappa:  Walk naked to the bathroom.
\nLeahKleim:  i always do
\nzappa:  If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound
\nzappa:  Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
\nLeahKleim:  why ? this wife brings the other girl home
\nzappa:  Admire the size of wiener and scratch your butt.
\nLeahKleim:  thats nasty
\nzappa:  Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
\nzappa:  Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
\nLeahKleim:  get in the shower with your wife
\nzappa:  Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
\nzappa:  Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
\nzappa:  Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap
\nzappa:  Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk
\nSamoverRebbe:  Leah, this could be a Jewish home.  All it needs is a Jewish woman’s touch.
\nLeahKleim:  that is a recipe for divorce
\nzappa:  Pee.
\nSamoverRebbe:  Don’t be defeatist
\nzappa:  Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
\nzappa:  Dry off forearms and butt only.
\nSamoverRebbe:  Leah Kleim, this is the man you are meant to marry
\nLeahKleim:  and get rejected by your wife. get dressed, go pay hooker
\nzappa:  Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out or tub the whole time.
\nSamoverRebbe:  Think of the work the two of you could do on the web as Crusador Jews
\nzappa:  Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off, chuckle.
\nzappa:  Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on
\nLeahKleim:  and go back to bathroom and beat off because wife rejected your nasty ass again
\nSamoverRebbe:  Get rid of the racial self-hatred, Leah.  Besides, Luke has the goyishe genes you crave.
\nzappa:  Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
\nzappa:  If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
\nzappa:  Throw towel on bed.
\nLeahKleim:  i dont crave goyishe genes at all, it was a mistake i fell for, so i embraced it and enjoyed it
\nzappa:  Now, if there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
\nLeahKleim:  the sad truth is that , that is the life of a married jewish guy
\nLeahKleim:  Levi, do you regret converting?
\nguest300:  Leah, are you looking for a Shofar?
\nLeahKleim:  no, I dont need any tekua, terima
\nLeahKleim:  my doc gave me viagra
\nguest300:  why you take Viagra, Leah, can’t get it up anymore?
\nLeahKleim:  hell no. guys wanted it. he gives me what ever i ask for
\nLeahKleim:  he likes to listen to me breath and check my spine while im bent over his table
\nYourMoralLeader:  Leah, no I don’t regret
\nYourMoralLeader:  Most of my regrets are of my own moral weakness, tendency to take the lazy way out
\nSamoverRebbe:  Admit that you have Shaegetz fever, Leah, and acknowledge that with Luke you have the best of both worlds: Gentile genes (look at that punim!) and a torah-centric world view<\/p>\n

guest313:  Dude, who is your favorite Rabbi at the RCC?
\nYourMoralLeader:  union
\nRabbiWeil:  I command all you single men to leave this room. There is a single lady. I don’t want you divorced men harrassing her.
\nStevenCohensBeer:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nUser StevenCohensBeer left the room.
\nRabbiWeil:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nguest313:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nUser guest313 left the room.
\nguest308:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nUser guest308 left the room.
\nguest309:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nUser guest309 left the room.
\nUser guest316 (70.82.164.153) entered the room.
\nguest310:  1
\nguest310:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nUser guest310 left the room.
\nRabbiWeil:  1
\nguest311:  Oh…….no….I’ll leave then…………for I fear Weiled wrath.
\nUser guest311 left the room.
\nRabbiWeil:  1
\nRabbiWeil:  Now I can exercise my maximal powers and ban myself….
\nUser RabbiWeil left the room.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Click here to join the fun. LeahKleim:  Im tempted to start a chat room. I need an accomplice though YourMoralLeader:  This can be your chat room too YourMoralLeader:  We have the same mission YourMoralLeader:  tikkun olam LeahKleim:  I know we … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[8160,8163,8092,8156,8154,8151,8164,8149,8155,897,8157,8162,8153,8159,8152,8165,8158,8161,8150,938,29806],"class_list":["post-3026","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-accomplice","tag-apricot","tag-cucumber","tag-dressing-gown","tag-face-cloth","tag-facial-scrub","tag-grapefruit","tag-laundry-hamper","tag-leg-lifts","tag-live-cam-chat","tag-mayonaise","tag-miami-heat","tag-passion-fruit","tag-perfect-body","tag-pre-natal-vitamins","tag-shampoo","tag-sit-ups","tag-spell-check","tag-tikkun-olam","tag-ups","tag-yeshiva"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3026","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3026"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3026\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3026"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3026"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3026"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}