"Woman, why do you keep putting garlic in everything?" I bellow. "You don’t want me to be attractive to other women."<\/p>\n
"Why do you want to be attractive to other women?" she says.<\/p>\n
"I need the affirmation."<\/p>\n
"I want you to go back on your lithium. I’d rather you be chubby and jolly."<\/p>\n
"Woman, stop trying to make me fat and smelly.<\/p>\n
"Here, let me put on a little bit of nice music."<\/p>\n
"Stop with the sexy music! Spit out your sexy gum! I just want to cuddle. No funny business. I’m not used to being the other woman. I don’t like it. You’re being ridiculous. Everybody’s laughing at you."<\/p>\n
"Don’t bother me woman!"<\/p>\n
Sheesh, what’s with monotheism and monogamy? G-d doesn’t want us to have other gods, not even for a bit of fun on the weekends. We’re not supposed to go whoring, not even when we need a little pick-me-up. We’re not to have graven images and even wholesome hardcore American pornography is right out.<\/p>\n
One God means one wife and one universal moral code.<\/p>\n
I learned in my secular studies that poets have their own moral code. Our souls are so sensitive, our insights so keen, that we can’t be constrained by the conventional morality.<\/p>\n
So do poets and bloggers get their own Torah? A more streamlined version to leave us with more time for our important work?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
"Woman, why do you keep putting garlic in everything?" I bellow. "You don’t want me to be attractive to other women." "Why do you want to be attractive to other women?" she says. "I need the affirmation." "I want you … Continue reading