So I can sleep at night, I like to whip myself on my blog until I’m bleeding.<\/p>\n
That way I don’t feel so bad about the gashes I deliver to others during the day.<\/p>\n
I feel that if I’m rougher on myself than on anybody else — except Thane Rosenbaum<\/a> — then I can be forgiven my sins and live to daven another day in an Orthodox shul.<\/p>\n I feel that I can do what I want and who I want so long as at the end of the day, I climb on my virtual cross, hammer some nails into my hands and feet, and scream, "Father, father, why has thou forsaken me?"<\/p>\n Yet during the many hours of the night when I toss and turn on my floor, I fear that I have not been true to my religion (and my whole sense of self is wrapped up in my embrace of Judaism).<\/p>\n Public self-flagellation is rarely a Jewish virtue. It’s particularly rare in Orthodox life. Instead, one is supposed to treat oneself with dignity and then extend that good treatment to others. I by contrast treat myself horribly and then extend that to others.<\/p>\n The Jewish tradition (the Chofetz Chaim in particular) says you shouldn’t speak lashon hara about yourself. You shouldn’t trash yourself publicly — not on a blog, not on a pulpit, and not on a cross (virtual or real).<\/p>\n This teaching is my cross to bear.<\/p>\n Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me from this burden of sin?<\/p>\n Sleep, sleep, where art thou? Why do you flee from me when I chase you? Come cover me with your oblivion. Make an end to my foolishness. Make my mind stop spinning. Make the demons go away.<\/p>\n My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So I can sleep at night, I like to whip myself on my blog until I’m bleeding. That way I don’t feel so bad about the gashes I deliver to others during the day. I feel that if I’m rougher … Continue reading