{"id":29632,"date":"2011-02-03T21:30:52","date_gmt":"2011-02-04T05:30:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=29632"},"modified":"2011-02-03T21:40:18","modified_gmt":"2011-02-04T05:40:18","slug":"the-stupidest-things-i-tell-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=29632","title":{"rendered":"The Stupidest Things I Tell Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"

I talk to myself constantly and much of it is bloody stupid.<\/p>\n

I was just lying down and thinking about my life and the dumb things I’ve told myself over the past forty years.<\/p>\n

They include:<\/p>\n

* You can get away with it!
\n* They’ll never know!
\n* You’re special!
\n* The rules don’t apply to you!
\n* I’m a writer and I can go anywhere and do anything because it is all for my art!
\n* There’s a new sheriff in town!
\n* This isn’t really cheating!
\n* I’ve changed!
\n* Why don’t they like me?
\n* It’s hopeless!
\n* I’m sunk!
\n* I’m invincible!
\n* More attention for me!
\n* Wouldn’t I look interesting if I went in this direction?<\/p>\n

I went through feelings of frustration, anger and despair today\/this week\/year\/decade as I struggle to belatedly take care of things I should’ve tackled decades ago. Much of this work (psycho-therapy, Alexander Technique, addressing my sleep problems, financial issues) is not immediately rewarding.<\/p>\n

Most of the things I’ve been battling of late are not getting solved. The turbinate reduction surgery I had a few months ago? Well, the problem I had breathing through my nose while lying down has returned full force.<\/p>\n

I’ve ordered a CPAP but my doctor won’t give me a prescription until I undergo more testing. <\/p>\n

I was just so frustrated, angry and helpless this afternoon as I ran into these technical recording problems and I knew it wasn’t the technical problems that enraged me but rather my life position. I feel like I am running in circles and getting no closer to leaving my hole. I would’ve wailed and cried if that had done any good, but instead I did ten minutes of active rest and labored on.<\/p>\n

Then I took a break after a few hours and wrote in my journal. I find it calming to write out my thoughts and fears. I get to see my self-talk and how silly much of it is. Then I write out things I am grateful for and this makes me happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I talk to myself constantly and much of it is bloody stupid. I was just lying down and thinking about my life and the dumb things I’ve told myself over the past forty years. They include: * You can get … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[31647,25393,25394,17244,20293,25396,25392,25395],"class_list":["post-29632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-alexander-technique","tag-dumb-things","tag-forty-years","tag-new-sheriff-in-town","tag-psycho-therapy","tag-running-in-circles","tag-thinking-about-my-life","tag-turbinate-reduction-surgery"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t