{"id":2572,"date":"2008-03-28T07:36:38","date_gmt":"2008-03-28T15:36:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2572"},"modified":"2008-03-28T17:01:41","modified_gmt":"2008-03-29T01:01:41","slug":"man-claims-to-speak-australian-after-allegedly-being-raped-by-wombat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2572","title":{"rendered":"Man Claims to Speak &#8216;Australian&#8217; After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.foxnews.com\/story\/0,2933,342099,00.html\">From Fox News<\/a>:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Los Angeles &mdash;&nbsp; A Pico-Robertson man has been sentenced to community service  after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him  speak &quot;Australian&quot;.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Luke Carey Ford, 41, from Kurri Kurri, called police  on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he  needed help.<\/p>\n<p>The blogger later called back and said: &quot;Apart from speaking  Australian now, I&#8217;m pretty all right, you know.&quot;<\/p>\n<p>Ford pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious  purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours&#8217; community work.<\/p>\n<p>Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a  large role in Ford&#8217;s life.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/yourmoralleader.camstreams.com\/\">From my live cam chat<\/a>:<\/p>\n<p>guest666:&nbsp; You know, I once dated an Irish American woman, so that makes us like soul mates, you and I<br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; lol<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I am poor and in need of a lot of money<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I once thought that Luke would be my path to wealth, but that proved not to be the case<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; He is too content to be who he is.<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; It&#8217;s that easy LA lifestyle.<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Luke, move to New York and you will become a new man.<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I&#8217;m thinking of emulating Luke by setting up my own web site where I will warn women against owning cats and instruct them on winning the heart of someone like me<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; everyone should be warned against owning cats.&nbsp; <br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; why<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; cats are pointless<br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; lol<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Cats lead to spinsterism<br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; Not really<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Cats spread brain fungi<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Cats are socially isolating<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; A dog at least you must walk<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Cats just keep you inside<br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; Cats are smart<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; cats are rude and ungrateful<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; who needs that?<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Cats lack opposable thumbs, which makes their intelligence pointless<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; good point 666<br \/>\nguest11:&nbsp; and their urine is lethal<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Cats don&#8217;t catch criminals or spot bombs or drugs<br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; Im off <br \/>\nEmma:&nbsp; Bye bye <br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; plus they spit up really gross stuff<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Why do the women leave as soon as I arrive?<br \/>\nUser Emma left the room.<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; you smell like brimstone?<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Well I do, but this is the internet<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; your best friend is the devil, or just the devil&#8217;s advocate?<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I thought you were on your own Luke.&nbsp; <br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; I&#8217;m his pimp.<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Boss, what sort of business have you?<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I want to charge women 4k to hae sex with me<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Can you make that so?<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; hmmm&nbsp; I&#8217;ll have to do some market research<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; It could be revenge sex with women like Silda Wall Spitzer<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; revenge sex is usually free<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; &quot;YOU HAD SEX WITH THAT?!!!&quot;<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Luke, are you back in the p*rn biz?<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Mad typing skills<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; You could be a manretary<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; if you have free revenge sex with Mrs. Spitzer, you could make a mint selling your story to a tabloid<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I&#8217;ve figured out that with enough mice and roaches to eat all the crumbs, getting ready for Passover is a snap<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; I just need to reach out to this poor woman<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; probably just a tic tac, but it might be more than what you have now.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; I was raped by a wombat this week.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; Not pleasant.<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; what is a wombat?<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; Marsupial?<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; he had an enormous digiridoo<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; yes<br \/>\nYourMoralEmployer:&nbsp; Luke, that seems so unlikely that you would sit there and take it from a wombat.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; I was feeling vulnerable.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; I didn&#8217;t want to say no, I needed the attention.<br \/>\nguest666:&nbsp; He was so engrossed in the study of the sacred texts that he did not notice until it was over<\/p>\n<p>guest39:&nbsp; Rev. Dsmond Ford here again. I see my son is playing dress-up again. <br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; I&#8217;ve missed you dad<br \/>\nguest39:&nbsp; I should have throttled you at birth, you attention-seeking ponce. <br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; You are right.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; I&#8217;m sorry.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; How are you dad?<br \/>\nguest39:&nbsp; You sound and look more pathetic each time I see you. Your step-mum and I are, however, glad you&#8217;re out of the house. We didn&#8217;t like you then, and we like you less now. And why aren&#8217;t you eatinmg vegemite, you sodomite? <br \/>\nguest39:&nbsp; You&#8217;re not even entertaining. Rev. Desmond out!<br \/>\nsteve:&nbsp; I like your style Leader.&nbsp; No much shakes you up.<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; My proper name is the Rev. Dsmond Ford. And I&#8217;m rightly honked off at my useless son.<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; let&#8217;s examine what my effete, mangy offspring has done with this day God gave him:<br \/>\nGuest:&nbsp; Luke:&nbsp; re: your Botach posting.&nbsp; How does someone who barely speaks 3 words of English come to American and is now worth $700 million?<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; You must be very hurt, dad.<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; 1. Cut and pasted the work of other writers &#8211; selectively emphasizing anti-Semitic angles in everything he plagiarizes.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; good point dad<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; 2. Sat in front of his narcisssistic &#8216;web-cam&#8217; tapping out inanities on his ergonomic keyboard.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; true<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; 3. jacked off in his bathroom thinking about holly randall&#8217;s gigantic bum.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; is that wrong?<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; lol<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; 4. chewed on an apple like some sort of fair-dinkum swine.<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; good shabbos luke<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; Forgive me father, for I have sinned.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; al chet<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; 5. continued to grow his loathsome beard, cultivating the appearance of a homeless degenerate.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; hi nicole<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; that&#8217;s quite a&nbsp; story on the blog<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; which?<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; 6. played dress-up, continuing his schizoid effort to impersonate a Jewish person.<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; botach tactical?<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; k<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; sigh<br \/>\nUser guest46 left the room.<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; is it good for the jews?<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; another accurate anti-semitic caricature<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; you just can&#8217;t make it up<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; wow<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; not good for the jews, dude<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; Dad, what should we do about the Jews?<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; but what are you going to do?&nbsp; i didn&#8217;t give yoav botach asshole lessons<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; nothing my idiot son does is &#8216;good for the jews&#8217; and he fair-dinkum knows it. he revels in the idea of &#8216;exposing&#8217; corrupt Jews because he is a frustrated anti-Semite himself.<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; but make no mistake:<br \/>\nGuest:&nbsp; Luke :&nbsp; where do you get these lawsuits you post, is there a website, or do you have a secret source<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; my goodness<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; lasuperiorcourt.org<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; cost me $70 yesterday<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; Luke Ford will never be Jewish. How does it feel to don the trappings of a religion you don&#8217;t understand like a clown costume, boy?<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; i&#8217;d rather accept luke and tell botach to go f**k himself<br \/>\nUser guest47 left the room.<br \/>\nGuest:&nbsp; Don&#8217;t tell an arms dealer to do f**k himself<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; Fake Jew = YOU<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; Fake Jew and real homosexual.<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; oh come on<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; be nice<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; i&#8217;ve had about enough of your rot, boy.<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; ?<br \/>\nsteve:&nbsp; geez, you can feel the love&#8230;<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; You are so loathsome and phony, it makes me regret ever f**king your mother.<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; lol<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; and while some might tolerate your swinish, smirking anti-Semitism, i&#8217;ll beat you about the head and shoulders with my cane next time I see you.<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; you ARE sorry, boy.<br \/>\njanice:&nbsp; when you get back come get me<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; you don&#8217;t work.<br \/>\nGuest:&nbsp; hang around janice<br \/>\nguest45:&nbsp; parasite.<br \/>\nnicolletista:&nbsp; you have to go to botach&#8217;s shul tonight<br \/>\nwatchingyoublog:&nbsp; luke is frozen in time<br \/>\nwatchingyoublog:&nbsp; we must save him<br \/>\nguest:&nbsp; last picture before the aliens sucked him into the screen<br \/>\nwatchingyoublog:&nbsp; it is really beautiful here this season<br \/>\nwatchingyoublog:&nbsp; cherry blossom festival, kite festival, etcd<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; gorgeous<br \/>\nYourMoralLeader:&nbsp; more than me!<br \/>\nwatchingyoublog:&nbsp; well you have nice weather all the time<br \/>\nwatchingyoublog:&nbsp; this is the time of year we get paid back for suffering through the winter<\/p>\n<p><!--adsense--><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From Fox News: Los Angeles &mdash;&nbsp; A Pico-Robertson man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak &quot;Australian&quot;. Luke Carey Ford, 41, from Kurri Kurri, called &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2572\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[30576,3170,3171,829,1515,3173,1000,3175,3177,3172,3176,3174],"class_list":["post-2572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-satire","tag-alcohol","tag-carey-ford","tag-chris-stringer","tag-ford","tag-fox-news","tag-local-court","tag-mdash","tag-news-los-angeles","tag-orchard","tag-police-prosecutor","tag-sergeant","tag-wombat"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.10 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"From Fox News: Los Angeles \u2014 A Pico-Robertson man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak &quot;Australian&quot;. 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