{"id":2572,"date":"2008-03-28T07:36:38","date_gmt":"2008-03-28T15:36:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2572"},"modified":"2008-03-28T17:01:41","modified_gmt":"2008-03-29T01:01:41","slug":"man-claims-to-speak-australian-after-allegedly-being-raped-by-wombat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2572","title":{"rendered":"Man Claims to Speak ‘Australian’ After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat"},"content":{"rendered":"

From Fox News<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Los Angeles —  A Pico-Robertson man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".<\/strong><\/p>\n

Luke Carey Ford, 41, from Kurri Kurri, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help.<\/p>\n

The blogger later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right, you know."<\/p>\n

Ford pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.<\/p>\n

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Ford’s life.<\/p>\n

From my live cam chat<\/a>:<\/p>\n

guest666:  You know, I once dated an Irish American woman, so that makes us like soul mates, you and I
\nEmma:  lol
\nguest666:  I am poor and in need of a lot of money
\nguest666:  I once thought that Luke would be my path to wealth, but that proved not to be the case
\nguest666:  He is too content to be who he is.
\nguest666:  It’s that easy LA lifestyle.
\nguest666:  Luke, move to New York and you will become a new man.
\nguest666:  I’m thinking of emulating Luke by setting up my own web site where I will warn women against owning cats and instruct them on winning the heart of someone like me
\nYourMoralEmployer:  everyone should be warned against owning cats. 
\nEmma:  why
\nYourMoralEmployer:  cats are pointless
\nEmma:  lol
\nguest666:  Cats lead to spinsterism
\nEmma:  Not really
\nguest666:  Cats spread brain fungi
\nguest666:  Cats are socially isolating
\nguest666:  A dog at least you must walk
\nguest666:  Cats just keep you inside
\nEmma:  Cats are smart
\nYourMoralEmployer:  cats are rude and ungrateful
\nYourMoralEmployer:  who needs that?
\nguest666:  Cats lack opposable thumbs, which makes their intelligence pointless
\nYourMoralEmployer:  good point 666
\nguest11:  and their urine is lethal
\nguest666:  Cats don’t catch criminals or spot bombs or drugs
\nEmma:  Im off
\nEmma:  Bye bye
\nYourMoralEmployer:  plus they spit up really gross stuff
\nguest666:  Why do the women leave as soon as I arrive?
\nUser Emma left the room.
\nYourMoralEmployer:  you smell like brimstone?
\nguest666:  Well I do, but this is the internet
\nYourMoralEmployer:  your best friend is the devil, or just the devil’s advocate?
\nguest666:  I thought you were on your own Luke. 
\nYourMoralEmployer:  I’m his pimp.
\nguest666:  Boss, what sort of business have you?
\nguest666:  I want to charge women 4k to hae sex with me
\nguest666:  Can you make that so?
\nYourMoralEmployer:  hmmm  I’ll have to do some market research
\nguest666:  It could be revenge sex with women like Silda Wall Spitzer
\nYourMoralEmployer:  revenge sex is usually free
\nguest666:  "YOU HAD SEX WITH THAT?!!!"
\nguest666:  Luke, are you back in the p*rn biz?
\nguest666:  Mad typing skills
\nguest666:  You could be a manretary
\nYourMoralEmployer:  if you have free revenge sex with Mrs. Spitzer, you could make a mint selling your story to a tabloid
\nguest666:  I’ve figured out that with enough mice and roaches to eat all the crumbs, getting ready for Passover is a snap
\nguest666:  I just need to reach out to this poor woman
\nYourMoralEmployer:  probably just a tic tac, but it might be more than what you have now.
\nYourMoralLeader:  I was raped by a wombat this week.
\nYourMoralLeader:  Not pleasant.
\nguest666:  what is a wombat?
\nguest666:  Marsupial?
\nYourMoralLeader:  he had an enormous digiridoo
\nYourMoralLeader:  yes
\nYourMoralEmployer:  Luke, that seems so unlikely that you would sit there and take it from a wombat.
\nYourMoralLeader:  I was feeling vulnerable.
\nYourMoralLeader:  I didn’t want to say no, I needed the attention.
\nguest666:  He was so engrossed in the study of the sacred texts that he did not notice until it was over<\/p>\n

guest39:  Rev. Dsmond Ford here again. I see my son is playing dress-up again.
\nYourMoralLeader:  I’ve missed you dad
\nguest39:  I should have throttled you at birth, you attention-seeking ponce.
\nYourMoralLeader:  You are right.
\nYourMoralLeader:  I’m sorry.
\nYourMoralLeader:  How are you dad?
\nguest39:  You sound and look more pathetic each time I see you. Your step-mum and I are, however, glad you’re out of the house. We didn’t like you then, and we like you less now. And why aren’t you eatinmg vegemite, you sodomite?
\nguest39:  You’re not even entertaining. Rev. Desmond out!
\nsteve:  I like your style Leader.  No much shakes you up.
\nguest45:  My proper name is the Rev. Dsmond Ford. And I’m rightly honked off at my useless son.
\nguest45:  let’s examine what my effete, mangy offspring has done with this day God gave him:
\nGuest:  Luke:  re: your Botach posting.  How does someone who barely speaks 3 words of English come to American and is now worth $700 million?
\nYourMoralLeader:  You must be very hurt, dad.
\nguest45:  1. Cut and pasted the work of other writers – selectively emphasizing anti-Semitic angles in everything he plagiarizes.
\nYourMoralLeader:  good point dad
\nguest45:  2. Sat in front of his narcisssistic ‘web-cam’ tapping out inanities on his ergonomic keyboard.
\nYourMoralLeader:  true
\nguest45:  3. jacked off in his bathroom thinking about holly randall’s gigantic bum.
\nYourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
\njanice:  lol
\nguest45:  4. chewed on an apple like some sort of fair-dinkum swine.
\nnicolletista:  good shabbos luke
\nYourMoralLeader:  Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
\nYourMoralLeader:  al chet
\nguest45:  5. continued to grow his loathsome beard, cultivating the appearance of a homeless degenerate.
\nYourMoralLeader:  hi nicole
\nnicolletista:  that’s quite a  story on the blog
\nYourMoralLeader:  which?
\nguest45:  6. played dress-up, continuing his schizoid effort to impersonate a Jewish person.
\nnicolletista:  botach tactical?
\nYourMoralLeader:  k
\nnicolletista:  sigh
\nUser guest46 left the room.
\nYourMoralLeader:  is it good for the jews?
\nnicolletista:  another accurate anti-semitic caricature
\nnicolletista:  you just can’t make it up
\njanice:  wow
\nnicolletista:  not good for the jews, dude
\nYourMoralLeader:  Dad, what should we do about the Jews?
\nnicolletista:  but what are you going to do?  i didn’t give yoav botach asshole lessons
\nguest45:  nothing my idiot son does is ‘good for the jews’ and he fair-dinkum knows it. he revels in the idea of ‘exposing’ corrupt Jews because he is a frustrated anti-Semite himself.
\nguest45:  but make no mistake:
\nGuest:  Luke :  where do you get these lawsuits you post, is there a website, or do you have a secret source
\njanice:  my goodness
\nYourMoralLeader:  lasuperiorcourt.org
\nYourMoralLeader:  cost me $70 yesterday
\nguest45:  Luke Ford will never be Jewish. How does it feel to don the trappings of a religion you don’t understand like a clown costume, boy?
\nnicolletista:  i’d rather accept luke and tell botach to go f**k himself
\nUser guest47 left the room.
\nGuest:  Don’t tell an arms dealer to do f**k himself
\nguest45:  Fake Jew = YOU
\nguest45:  Fake Jew and real homosexual.
\njanice:  oh come on
\njanice:  be nice
\nguest45:  i’ve had about enough of your rot, boy.
\njanice:  ?
\nsteve:  geez, you can feel the love…
\nguest45:  You are so loathsome and phony, it makes me regret ever f**king your mother.
\njanice:  lol
\nguest45:  and while some might tolerate your swinish, smirking anti-Semitism, i’ll beat you about the head and shoulders with my cane next time I see you.
\nguest45:  you ARE sorry, boy.
\njanice:  when you get back come get me
\nguest45:  you don’t work.
\nGuest:  hang around janice
\nguest45:  parasite.
\nnicolletista:  you have to go to botach’s shul tonight
\nwatchingyoublog:  luke is frozen in time
\nwatchingyoublog:  we must save him
\nguest:  last picture before the aliens sucked him into the screen
\nwatchingyoublog:  it is really beautiful here this season
\nwatchingyoublog:  cherry blossom festival, kite festival, etcd
\nYourMoralLeader:  gorgeous
\nYourMoralLeader:  more than me!
\nwatchingyoublog:  well you have nice weather all the time
\nwatchingyoublog:  this is the time of year we get paid back for suffering through the winter<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From Fox News: Los Angeles —  A Pico-Robertson man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian". Luke Carey Ford, 41, from Kurri Kurri, called … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[30576,3170,3171,829,1515,3173,1000,3175,3177,3172,3176,3174],"class_list":["post-2572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-satire","tag-alcohol","tag-carey-ford","tag-chris-stringer","tag-ford","tag-fox-news","tag-local-court","tag-mdash","tag-news-los-angeles","tag-orchard","tag-police-prosecutor","tag-sergeant","tag-wombat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2572","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2572"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2572\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}