Chaim says: "Think of the holy work you could be doing! This is no joke. You could be monetizing this, and bringing fallen secular Jews closer to HaShem. I could write half of this book in a week for you. Luke, God has blessed you in many ways. YOU MUST WRITE A BOOK. The Poor Man’s Guide To Meeting Women in LA. Do you get them drunk at kiddish? How do you do this?"<\/p>\n
"I cannot get into the ball park, let alone first base. Armed guards stop me. I can no longer even get laid on craislist. Crack whores won’t give me the time of day. I doff my yarmulke to you."<\/p>\n
"What’s more effective? Women or meds? Which elevates your mood more?"<\/p>\n
"This woman who drew a heart on a card wants you. Badly. Send me a tasteful photo of her so that I might come to know envy.<\/p>\n
"What you are doing is remarkable, and all without drugs or eharmony or jdate or craigslist."<\/p>\n
Well, in the past, more than a decade ago, I noticed that the Shabbat tended to elevate the senses. It made people more alive and more human and more open to one another. It was a great time to swoop down on women who otherwise might not notice me.<\/p>\n
Since then, I’ve reformed my ways. I want to get married. I’m rebuilding my reputation.<\/p>\n
From my live cam chat Monday afternoon<\/a>:<\/p>\n ChaimAmalek: Why is it that whenever I show up here, all the women depart? YourMoralLeader: I’ve made $6 today off google adsense \nKhunDiddy: Thre quation is: Luke do you do the old BOMM BOOM with your socks on? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Chaim says: "Think of the holy work you could be doing! This is no joke. You could be monetizing this, and bringing fallen secular Jews closer to HaShem. I could write half of this book in a week for you. … Continue reading
\nChaimAmalek: This is the story of my life
\nTaylor: mine to Chaim
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, wave your hands to give me a time stamp
\nChaimAmalek: I hear birds tweeting!
\nChaimAmalek: It does sound idyliic
\nChaimAmalek: I never get to hear birds in my neighborhood
\nChaimAmalek: Pigeons do not count
\nguest292: you look like a penis with a beard
\nguest292: where do you get your haircut at?
\nguest292: SuperCuts?
\nguest292: i didnt know WalMart sold polo shirts
\nYourMoralLeader: yes
\nYourMoralLeader: I might have some $$$ coming in!
\nChaimAmalek: How much we talking?
\nYourMoralLeader: for my good video work
\nYourMoralLeader: not sure yet
\nYourMoralLeader: what does it mean when a girl scrawls a heart on the mishloach manot card?
\nChaimAmalek: It means she wants to do a mitzvah
\nChaimAmalek: Now, which of the 613 that might be, I don’t know
\nYourMoralLeader: B"H
\nChaimAmalek: Is this girl fertile?
\nYourMoralLeader: yes
\nmaddie: how do u keep all 613 laws luke?
\nguest292: Luke can you jerk off with your eyes closed?
\nYourMoralLeader: yes
\nChaimAmalek: Listen up you saps, this many whom you pity is really a sort of LIVING GOD – for reasons that I shan’t get into here.
\nguest296: So what type of book do you read
\nmaddie: is it because we see many books lol
\nYourMoralLeader: judaism\/journalism.\/fiction
\nguest296: correct maddie
\nguest296: and who do you lead ?
\nChaimAmalek: This man is a GOD so watch your mouth, womnan
\nguest296: who are you calling woman
\nChaimAmalek: Maddie
\nChaimAmalek: Maddie, how do you feel about dating blokes via craigslist
\nmaddie: i dont lol
\nguest296: why do u chaimamalek ?
\nguest296: you seem the type too
\nguest296: you are all mouth and no action !!!!!! chaim
\nmaddie: where r u from chaim?
\nguest296: you have gone a little quiet there chaim
\nUser guest296 was banned by broadcaster\/admin.
\nUser guest296 left the room.
\nChaimAmalek: Such is my power
\nYourMoralLeader: Chaim is my best friend
\nChaimAmalek: I am from New York
\nChaimAmalek: I am a rabbi in a very special shul
\nChaimAmalek: Bnai Craigslist
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, which way is your shul breaking, politically speaking. Barak Hussein Obama, Hillary Clinton, or McCain?
\nYourMoralLeader: not clear
\nUser guest299 left the room.
\nChaimAmalek: You seem to have your fingers on the , um , pulse of Judaism
\nChaimAmalek: Obama is the choice of neurasthenic hipsters, dewey eyed white girls, and black folks under a certain age.
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, you are bringing me closer to G-d through your example
\nChaimAmalek: Such is the power of true moral leadership
\nmaddie: r u one of god’s angels luke?
\nChaimAmalek: I’m proud of this man. He routinely does the impossible, touching upon daf after daf with narry a chassid in his corner to point the way
\nUser guest298 left the room.
\nChaimAmalek: So many mitzvahs, so little time
\nChaimAmalek: Hank, you a teamster?
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, I don’t mean to pry, but this holiday season . . . was there anyone special you waved your lulav at?
\nHankYablonski: Nope. Guess again.
\nHankYablonski: Chaim, are you real or a figment of Luke’s imagination.
\nChaimAmalek: This is the rumor
\nUser guest6677 left the room.
\nChaimAmalek: People say they’ve met Chaim, but none can really confirm this
\nUser CaptainHaddock left the room.
\nChaimAmalek: Only Luke knows for sure. ONLY LUKE
\nChaimAmalek: and that’s a pretty big hint
\nYourMoralLeader: You feel like a part of myself
\nChaimAmalek: Indeed
\nChaimAmalek: It all averages out. Which is why none of the women I write to on Craigslist want to have anything to do with me
\nHankYablonski: Stop paying them by check.
\nChaimAmalek: I offered them IOUs
\nChaimAmalek: 4,000 dead in Iraq.
\nChaimAmalek: Well, that stopped this dead
\nHankYablonski: Well done. Shocking women won’t talk to you.
\nChaimAmalek: Yeah….I guess
\nmaddie: just read you article on homepage chaim
\nChaimAmalek: Did it make you hot for me?
\nmaddie: no
\nChaimAmalek: I’ve gained a few stones since then
\nYourMoralLeader: maddie, i’m shome rmitzvot
\nYourMoralLeader: unlike amalek
\nHankYablonski: Chaim, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
\nmaddie: like to read something decent chaim
\nChaimAmalek: Luke, you are a Judas
\nChaimAmalek: maddie, if we met in person, you would want me.
\nChaimAmalek: Chicks dig fat men
\nChaimAmalek: and that is a fact
\nmaddie: by what i read,iwould not
\nChaimAmalek: Who are you to criticise AMALEK?
\nYourMoralLeader: Amalek, Torah is the way to a woman’s heart
\nmaddie: clean your act up chaim
\nChaimAmalek: There is not much left to clean up
\nmaddie: really chaim?
\nChaimAmalek: Politico: "Hillary R. Clinton has no chance of winning"
\nChaimAmalek: I am as clean as the snow
\nYourMoralLeader: We need the Third Temple now!
\nChaimAmalek: Even though I look a lot like Ron Jeremy, only smaller in some places and larger in others
\nHankYablonski: I just threw up in my mouth.
\nmaddie: but snow has bits of dirt in it chaim lol
\nChaimAmalek: And bacteria, but just a bit. Same as me
\nHankYablonski: yes, nothing hotter than a narcissistic, self absorbed super jew.
\nChaimAmalek: If I were the Governor of New York, I’d be fighting you off with a stick
\nChaimAmalek: Both of you<\/p>\n
\nGuru: OH MY NERVES
\nGuru: HO HO
\nGuru: good for you
\nGuru: u can retire now
\nmaddie: thats great
\nChaimAmalek: There is another way of looking at those numbers. They sustain a lifestyle that includes that for which the Elliot Spitzers of the world must otherwise pay dearly
\nHankYablonski: Does the $6 cover the co-pay on your meds?
\nGuru: no
\nYourMoralLeader: I want to cover the Trinity church in chicago with barack and jeremiah wright
\nGuru: for 6$ ?
\nGuru: oh dear
\nguest315: What is today’s moral, leader?
\nYourMoralLeader: chastity
\nguest315: thanks. i go now
\nxptlurker: that’s not working out for me
\nxptlurker: hello Jesus
\nJesusChrist: shalom
\nxptlurker: yes
\nxptlurker: christiansingtheblues is his site
\nUser guest317 left the room.
\nxptlurker: sings the blues, that is
\nxptlurker: so much for Luke
\nUser guest309 left the room.
\nxptlurker: has to hit the dry cleaners before it closes, I guess
\nJesusChrist: c3x is going to burn in hell
\nxptlurker: you’d think with the amount of time on his hands that he’s be able to do his own ironing
\nJesusChrist: he have intercourse with transx
\nJesusChrist: transexuals are ligers
\nxptlurker: that’s the word on the street
\nJesusChrist: and ligers are not permited in the kingdom of god
\nxptlurker: I’m ure that Luke has taken it up the ass
\nJesusChrist: what is this gay music?
\nJesusChrist: abba?
\nxptlurker: not sure
\nxptlurker: I know that he likes lame stuff like that
\nUser guest318 left the room.
\nxptlurker: nice waste o electricity
\nxptlurker: we need to get luke on cam4.com
\nJesusChrist: imlive.com
\nJesusChrist: guy4guy
\nxptlurker: so we can switch between him and sweeteva
\nJesusChrist: go to weleare office please
\nJesusChrist: did holly had sex in that place?
\nxptlurker: jew singalong
\nxptlurker: I don;t know how long he’s been in that pit
\nxptlurker: la la la
\nKhunDiddy: hava blah! blah! blah!…havah…etc. etc. etc
\nUser JesusChrist left the room.
\nKhunDiddy: the question of the day is "does Luke have sex with his socks on like Spitzer…?
\nxptlurker: I know that I do
\nKhunDiddy: why, is it cole where you are?
\nKhunDiddy: cold
\nxptlurker: kinda
\nKhunDiddy: hmmmmm
\nxptlurker: I don’t have real strong feelings about it one way or the other
\nKhunDiddy: how about if you went to Havana and had sex..would you still keep them on?
\nxptlurker: unlikely
\nUser guest320 left the room.
\nxptlurker: depends if I thought that I might have to make a run for it
\nKhunDiddy: having sex with your sox on could mean a ‘fear of intimacy"<\/p>\n
\nYourMoralLeader: yo
\nYourMoralLeader: yes
\nYourMoralLeader: is that wrong?
\nYourMoralLeader: I don’t like to get cold feet in the middle of things.
\nKhunDiddy: It was signal a fear of intamacy
\nYourMoralLeader: Holly did not like it.
\nKhunDiddy: it may
\nKhunDiddy: signal..perhaps you didn’t want to get to close…with her
\nKhunDiddy: Jesus Saves…Moses Invests
\nEmma: its a wierd thing bordom
\nEmma: hey Luke, hows it goin?
\nYourMoralLeader: you need faith 327
\nguest327: seriously why cant i seee s**t
\nKhunDiddy: Emma , do you make love to men who keep their socks on during "love making"..
\nEmma: I dont make love to anyone Diddy
\nUser Emma left the room.
\nKhunDiddy: why is that?
\nKhunDiddy: there went the Interview
\nKhunDiddy: I scared her off
\nEmma: lol
\nEmma: did you?
\nKhunDiddy: Sprtzer kept his socks on during boom boom…
\nEmma: good for him
\nKhunDiddy: long ones…blck
\nKhunDiddy: calf length
\nEmma: ok \ud83d\ude09
\nYourMoralLeader: is that wrong?
\nEmma: what kind of mucic is this Luke?
\nguest322: The biggest womanizer
\nguest322: even bigger than Luke!
\nKhunDiddy: nooooo not wrong but ….ahhhh! kinda unromantic I’d think..like you may be asking for the check and leaving soon after
\nUser JESUSSAVES left the room.
\nKhunDiddy: just heard a good one…the Judas thing…after the last supper Jesus asked for seperate checks
\nEmma: The topic of conversation here today seems to be based on jesus
\nguest322: Luke did you get any tips from R’ Shlomo?
\nYourMoralLeader: A few!
\nguest322: hope not the molesting ones \ud83d\ude41
\nKhunDiddy: somewhat has to speak up for that crazy Jew…what you want to talk about Emma…let’s hear from you
\nguest322: Look where it got him…
\nguest322: Can you whistle….
\nEmma: Speak up
\nEmma: What do you mean?
\nguest322: with your socks on?
\nKhunDiddy: they don’t make Jews like Jesus now-a-days
\nEmma: lol Luke
\nEmma: Thats an easy song to sing
\nguest322: shukel
\nEmma: heya la la la
\nEmma: I dont think he looked gay diddy
\nKhunDiddy: check out young ‘hollywood" Luke..he looked very gay
\nYourMoralLeader: How do we restore faith in the world’s big credit markets?
\nEmma: Pointless
\nKhunDiddy: that question is too heavy for this forum
\nguest331: Let the people that are losing their houses lose them
\nEmma: Luke loves it when we talk about him
\nKhunDiddy: let’s get the conversation back in the gutter where it belongs
\nEmma: lol
\nguest331: im for that
\nKhunDiddy: excellant
\nYourMoralLeader: fave boy bands?
\nKhunDiddy: come on everyone..join in
\nEmma: boy bands…pointless
\nKhunDiddy: Emma…let’s hear it
\nEmma: lets hear what diddy
\nKhunDiddy: have you met Luke in person?
\nguest331: No
\nEmma: No but that would be interesting
\nEmma: Diddy where you from?
\nKhunDiddy: Have you been invited to the Hovel..
\nguest322: lets have a kumzitz
\nKhunDiddy: from: many places
\nguest322: at Luke’s hovel
\nEmma: lol
\nguest322: I’ll bring the cereal and grape juice
\nKhunDiddy: Bangkok is my favorite city
\nEmma: Luke… get some mercyme.. good boy band
\nEmma: I can only imagine
\nKhunDiddy: hahaaaa
\nguest331: Luke, can we get a tour of the room, and by room I mean mess
\nEmma: lol
\nKhunDiddy: Luke, invite Emma over for some rice milk and conversation tonight
\nEmma: lol
\nEmma: your killin him
\nguest331: What is that piss
\nEmma: its tea
\nKhunDiddy: you can share that unine analysis you’re drinking with her..maybe chew on some pretzels
\nEmma: apparently
\nguest331: looks nice out
\nKhunDiddy: later you can make a play for her errrr! "flower"
\nEmma: Good choice of song
\nYourMoralLeader: I have too much respect for Emma
\nguest331: hey, where in cali are you located
\nYourMoralLeader: I’m not into that carnal stuff
\nYourMoralLeader: LA
\nEmma: lol Luke
\nguest322: put some hair on your chest
\nKhunDiddy: Luke my wife came into my office and saw you napping on the floor this afternoon..she exclaimed.."what he do on floor"..I told her you sleep there…
\nguest322: looks like we may break the occupany record….
\nEmma: He dosn’t need much sleep
\nEmma: lol
\nKhunDiddy: I bet he sleeps 14 hours a day
\nKhunDiddy: do you think McCain boom booms with his socks on….I don’t think the Old Warrier Boom Booms at all..
\nEmma: boom booms lol
\nKhunDiddy: his wife looks frigid
\nguest331: No way
\nWookie: can’t imagine her being first lady
\nguest331: So how are you going to be our moral leader
\nWookie: Tax breaks for plastic surgeons
\nEmma: Luke what is the best book you have read?
\nYourMoralLeader: War & Peace
\nKhunDiddy: she looks liike she’d rather be back at the ranch going through her tranquilizer supply than be with the old man
\nWookie: oh beautox
\nKhunDiddy: Iggy Pop "open up and bleed" Great Book
\nKhunDiddy: Curious turned me on to it
\nguest331: Ford, what is the point of all this???
\nKhunDiddy: Emma…jump in your car and drive over to Luke’s..give him an hour’s notice to take a few Lavitra
\nKhunDiddy: he peomised to make love with his socks OFF just for you
\nEmma: lol funny
\nKhunDiddy: funnY? what’s funny? I’m trying to get you both laid
\nYourMoralLeader: Sex is for marriage
\nYourMoralLeader: if then
\nEmma: Exactley
\nguest331: ha
\nWookie: well, elope and get to it
\nKhunDiddy: do you think Luke’s beard will be too scratchy when things get hot and heavy?
\nEmma: Something to share with your husband diddy
\nEmma: He wants to be the next gandalf
\nKhunDiddy: My Husband?
\nWookie: mustache rides honey
\nguest331: Luke, how long do you think you will keep running lukeisback
\nKhunDiddy: wait til my wife hears about my husband..she has a temper
\nEmma: How is your husband didy?
\nKhunDiddy: I like her for you…Emma, E mail Luke your picture and don’t cheat..he already knows what Paris Hilton looks like
\nWookie: he sold it
\nEmma: What has Pairs hilton got to do with me Diddy?
\nKhunDiddy: he’s still trying to seell Mamie Van Dorn and she’s 96<\/p>\n