Sunday night.<\/p>\n
I hire someone to install wordpress for me on a website I’m running that’s registered and hosted at domain.com.<\/p>\n
Five hours later, wordpress is still not installed because the server keeps cutting out.<\/p>\n
In a rage, I switch the domains to my host namecheap.<\/p>\n
I drive off to the Cinema City Film Festival.<\/p>\n
Yelp. Gruff. Rrrr. I forgot about the dog in the back I’m babysitting.<\/p>\n
It yelps all the way to Beverly Hills where I park near the luxury home I lived in the back off for 14 months (1994-95) until my roommate stopped paying the rent.<\/p>\n
I’m late to the red carpet.<\/p>\n
I hate being late.<\/p>\n
On the way home with a griping dog in the back, I stop by Ralphs.<\/p>\n
As I stand in line, I look over and there’s my former Torah teacher Rabbi Yitzhak Etshalom<\/a>.<\/p>\n Oy ve! We’ve only spoken once in the past six years. It was unavoidable. I was coming out of shul where he’d just given a lecture. He had to shake my hand.<\/p>\n "How are you?" he asked.<\/p>\n "I’m fine, thank you," I said. I didn’t say "Baruch HaShem" because I remember him making fun of that response when you’re asked how you’re doing.<\/p>\n So I want to say hi but he looks like he’s got a lot on his mind. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if I betrayed him? What if I look over at him and he sees me and then his features give away his true feelings?<\/p>\n This is the life I chose — alienation from most of those I want to be close to in exchange for near total freedom with my blogging. But when I run into my former Torah teachers, I feel terrible. I can’t look them in the face. If they catch my eye, my features start to crumble. If I over-recompense and try to be stern and still, then my face twists up in the most horrifying sneer.<\/p>\n There’s Levi, sneering at Torah and the sages once again!<\/p>\n Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkk!<\/p>\n Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!<\/p>\n Fricken hell!<\/p>\n I look away and push off.<\/p>\n Martin Buber and Emmanuel Levinas would not be proud of me. That face to face, heart to heart communication thing is excruciating to me.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sunday night. I hire someone to install wordpress for me on a website I’m running that’s registered and hosted at domain.com. Five hours later, wordpress is still not installed because the server keeps cutting out. In a rage, I switch … Continue reading