{"id":2406,"date":"2008-03-06T20:25:36","date_gmt":"2008-03-07T04:25:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2406"},"modified":"2008-03-07T13:13:20","modified_gmt":"2008-03-07T21:13:20","slug":"im-working-out-on-my-cam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/?p=2406","title":{"rendered":"I’m Working Out On My Cam!"},"content":{"rendered":"

You don’t want to miss this<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The cognitive elite are in my chat room, including the mighty Chaim Amalek.<\/p>\n

Jane: i broke up with the guy i was dating this week
\nYourMoralLeader:  oh no, was it over me and my am?
\nYourMoralLeader:  cam?
\nYourMoralLeader:  I guess you’re all mine now
\nYourMoralLeader:  we got a woman in here, chaim
\nAMALEK:  A live woman?
\nAMALEK:  I’ve heard of etrannies – men who enter chat rooms pretending to be chix
\nAMALEK:  I myself once dated a woman
\nAMALEK:  But she did not like my body on account of my weight
\nAMALEK:  You see, I am a man in full
\nAMALEK:  Hello nicolletista
\nguest8:  i like hermaphrodites
\nnicolletista:  is this THE chaim amalek?
\nAMALEK:  Well, are there others?
\nAMALEK:  I’m the man the other Amalekites want to be
\nnicolletista:  wasn’t sure without the chaim part
\nnicolletista:  but i’ve always been a fan
\nYourMoralLeader:  THE
\nAMALEK:  Are you enough of a fan to want to have relations with a 300 pound man?
\nnicolletista:  and hadn’t seen luke mention you in ages
\nnicolletista:  of course i’m not
\nAMALEK:  Luke hides me.
\nAMALEK:  He is ashamed to know me
\nwatchingyoublog:  good night y’all
\nYourMoralLeader:  You have not given me any free content in a long time
\nAMALEK:  He fears the rabbis will turn on him for harboring Amalek in his circule
\nYourMoralLeader:  gnight
\nwatchingyoublog:  i will keep you in suspense about what my sleep medicine of choice will be
\nAMALEK:  I need motivation to do that.
\nnicolletista:  the rabbis didn’t turn on him b\/c of you
\nguest9:  aloha
\nAMALEK:  How do you know of this treif place, ncollletisa
\nnicolletista:  hey who doesn’t love treif
\nAMALEK:  Are you Jewish?  Or are you from Luke’s "other" world?
\nnicolletista:  i don’t remember how i found out about luke
\nnicolletista:  yes jewish
\nUser guest9 left the room.
\nnicolletista:  not porn
\nAMALEK:  Have you been to the hovel?
\nnicolletista:  porn stuffis really not interesting
\nUser guest10 left the room.
\nguest11:  hi all
\nYourMoralLeader:  hi
\nnicolletista:  with the wencam i feel that luke is my roommate
\nAMALEK:  It is as interesting as watching raccoons rummage through the garbage in central park
\nnicolletista:  luke is your cam off right now?
\nAMALEK:  It is on
\nYourMoralLeader:  sound off
\nnicolletista:  yes it is and for the same reason
\nnicolletista:  not working for me
\nAMALEK:  Actually, I’d rather watch a dog chase a squirrel than watch porn
\nnicolletista:  let me refresh
\nYourMoralLeader:  This is truly the place where the cognitive elite meet
\nAMALEK:  Are you in LA?
\nnicolletista:  no
\nnicolletista:  minneapolis, minn
\nUser nicolletista left the room.
\nAMALEK:  see…..
\nguest11:  what makes your so moral
\nguest11:  moral leader
\nYourMoralLeader:  I’m going to be working out in a few minutes
\nYourMoralLeader:  you don’t want to miss this
\nYourMoralLeader:  it’s my aura
\nAMALEK:  I wish Holly were there by your side
\nAMALEK:  mopping your brow
\nnicolletista:  ah, fresh faced as usual lke
\nguest11:  workin out on about 50 beers
\nAMALEK:  tidying up
\nguest11:  ha ha
\nAMALEK:  doing wifey stuff
\nnicolletista:  amalek you’re on uws correct?
\nAMALEK:  I can’t be the only one here who thinks Luke should have made a huge play for her
\nAMALEK:  She’d have solved just about all of htis problems
\nnicolletista:  i assumed he did!
\nguest12:  Amalek! I missed him before, and your Mom…just don’t let me miss Nicholas, or I’ll be so mad.
\nUser guest11 left the room.
\nAMALEK:  Heck, I would marry Holly right now if she would but have me.  But she told me I’m too heavy and distinguished for her, and too square.
\nYourMoralLeader:  nin
\nAMALEK:  "Holly, will you marry me?"  Someone get this proposal to her.
\nAMALEK:  I’d be good for her.
\nanais:  that would be right
\nanais:  you read her?
\nYourMoralLeader:  r u guys ready to see me work out?
\nAMALEK:  No booze, no lectures on religion, and I’d provide her with a mission in life
\nYourMoralLeader:  a bit
\nAMALEK:  Hold on, I need to place my modesty shield over half the screen
\nnicolletista:  oh yeah it’s like feeding time at the zoo
\nanais:  not bad.. for a man
\nnicolletista:  i better go wake up my niece
\nAMALEK:  I love these sound effects
\nAMALEK:  It’ s like watching an old old episode of the Outer Limits
\nUser guest2 left the room.
\nAMALEK:  "In the furthest reaches of the blogosphere, man toils against the entropy of broken dreams"
\nguest12:  What kind of mission, Amalek?
\nAMALEK:  The mission every woman secretly pines for – to make her man happy
\nAMALEK:  This is the apotheosis of woman.
\nAMALEK:  That, and raising the kids
\nguest12:  Because that makes us both happy, right?
\nAMALEK:  With me it would
\nAMALEK:  I have a value above rubies
\nUser guest14 entered the room.
\nAMALEK:  Holly would be a complete woman with me at her side
\nAMALEK:  And her father would enjoy my company, too
\nUser guest8 left the room.
\nAMALEK:  We could discuss the negro situation in s africa
\nAMALEK:  And where the White Man blew it.
\nUser guest15 entered the room.
\nAMALEK:  With her Mom, the topic of discussion could be the latest advances in lenses.
\nUser guest14 left the room.
\nUser guest15 left the room.
\nAMALEK:  I would spend my days studying, filling my working wife with both pride and semen<\/p>\n

nicolletista:  luke definitely thinks his semen is more moral than yours, chaim
\nnicolletista:  and yet
\nAMALEK:  I wish I were as svelte as Luke
\nnicolletista:  you willingly go restraint shopping with him
\nguest12:  that’s not how you lift weights!
\nAMALEK:  Bad workout form, Luke.  You need to do those slower
\nAMALEK:  slow, even lifts.
\nAMALEK:  He’s humping the door jamn!
\nAMALEK:  WOWW – the extra "W" is for extra "WOWW"
\nanais:  WOW the coughing doesn’t look good..r u sick?
\nAMALEK:  What are those – three pound weights?
\nUser MoralDilemmas entered the room.
\nAMALEK:  Jiminy Cricket,
\nguest12:  The weights are too small and you’re bouncing them.
\nAMALEK:  I’m not ashamed to say that this is making me hard
\nAMALEK:  Hard on myself for being here
\nguest12:  That’s because you’re easy.
\nAMALEK:  Seriously, I am willing to have sex with almost any woman who will pay me for it
\nAMALEK:  SLOWER
\nnicolletista:  i know it makes the submissive chicken seem like watching ionesco
\nAMALEK:  WOW ten pounders!
\nguest12:  Should’t Anais Nin have something to say by now?
\nAMALEK:  yeah baby, thyat’s right
\nAMALEK:  bend deeply
\nanais:  ws given no choce but to be entertaines by the silence
\nAMALEK:  I want to see him put on teffilim
\nanais:  choice
\nAMALEK:  HOLLY YOU MUST MARRY ME!
\nAMALEK:  How many square feet do you think that apartment is?
\nguest12:  Maybe Luke is waiting for a dowry, A. You can give him one.
\nAMALEK:  He and I are competing for the same woman.
\nMoralDilemmas:  Kinda reminds me of the ‘poodle exercises’ on youtube…
\nAMALEK:  Luke, either lift heavier weights, or oh heck, why am I even addressing that
\nAMALEK:  I used to tell luke to turn this into reality tv
\nguest12:  Those are old man stretches
\nAMALEK:  Now I’m getting all hardagain
\nanais:  who’s going to be the shepard to lead this poor boy home
\nAMALEK:  Luke should be living in Boca
\nAMALEK:  This cam is not good for the Jews.
\nAMALEK:  Therecould be terrorists watching this to build up the courage to attack saying "See?  This is what the Jew is really like"
\nUser guest10 entered the room.
\nAMALEK:  What’s in thatbox, LUke?
\nguest12:  Please, someone move the cam
\nnicolletista:  good night
\nUser nicolletista left the room.
\nguest10:  wtf
\nAMALEK:  I thought I saw a human arm
\nAMALEK:  I say you should become a drug mule
\nUser MoralDilemmas left the room.
\nguest10:  give up the beer man its easier
\nguest12:  Right THERE??? Where is Mom?
\nguest10:  never too late i guess
\nAMALEK:  Australia
\nYourMoralLeader:  What do you guys think?
\nAMALEK:  Which drugs are you on these days?
\nYourMoralLeader:  a bit of lith now and then, wellbutrin every morn, clonidine at night
\nguest10:  hes on them kangarroo tracs
\nYourMoralLeader:  I think I threw my back out
\nYourMoralLeader:  worked out too hard
\nguest10:  trancs
\nguest10:  dont look soo serious man
\nUser guest12 left the room.
\nAMALEK:  What is clonidine for?
\nAMALEK:  Isn’t that a muscle relaxant?
\nUser guest16 entered the room.
\nguest10:  waitin for a fight i meant to finish last nite
\nUser MoralDilemmas entered the room.
\nAMALEK:  Fire hazzard
\nguest10:  u got a flue or bad cke
\nAMALEK:  He needs a woman to take care of him
\nAMALEK:  Allmen do
\nguest10:  u a woman amalek?
\nAMALEK:  Yes
\nAMALEK:  All woman
\nguest10:  were all friends here
\nguest10:  were u frm? ama?
\nAMALEK:  Actually, "Amalek" stands for "A male k_ke"
\nAMALEK:  I am being transgressive
\nAMALEK:  I am a product of the 92nd Street Y and Zabars and the New School’s free lectures
\nguest10:  so ur f**ked up
\nAMALEK:  This is like being on a 1200 baud modem, circa 1987
\nAMALEK:  Wayne’s World
\nGROVER:  PIGS  AND COWS AND HORSES AND CHICKS AND HENS  AND ROOSTERS
\nAMALEK:  You should get a sustainable blog
\nUser guest19 entered the room.
\nGROVER:  a whole farm 4  amalek
\nUser guest19 left the room.
\nAMALEK:  This depresses me
\nGROVER:  drink up amalek
\nUser AMALEK left the room.
\nUser guest18 left the room.
\nMoralDilemmas:  Question Luke…in the past, you’ve angered people by ‘outing’ them  for their possibly embarrassing discretions, yet you protect Amalek’s anonymity. Why? Just curious.
\nAMALEK:  This is more depressing than trolling for dates on Craigslist
\nguest21:  omg
\nUser guest21 left the room.
\nGROVER:  A Yank was in Canada and asked\/ whats the quickest way to Toronto\/ The Canadian said are you walking or driving\/ the yank said i’m driving\/ the Canadian said well thats the quickest  way
\nBuddyHolly:  Luke I like your web c but,you sure are  not much for words
\nYourMoralLeader:  Buddy, the reason people like my site is because I put my efforts into it and not chat
\nBuddyHolly:  I see. but I don’t understand..sorry<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You don’t want to miss this. The cognitive elite are in my chat room, including the mighty Chaim Amalek. Jane: i broke up with the guy i was dating this week YourMoralLeader:  oh no, was it over me and my … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2406"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2406\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lukeford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}